Arts/Literary
Let’s Dance Naked
It may be reasonable to assert that if the individual develops enough ‘self-control’ it may not matter too much what he is exposed to.But some have however, confirmed in contrast that the effect of pornography on the spirit of the individual is to indulge his or her sense of compromise or what is called ‘sin’, and that excessive exposure to pornography actually deadens sexual interest as it creates boredom for the beholder.
Pornography is any material or object such as books, magazines and films that is designed to cause sexual excitement or arouse sexual urge. It has been taken to a higher level in television drama, live performances and through music, with little or no restriction, such that it has inflicted negative values on our cultural orientation. This is obvious in our female dressing.
A sampler of dress styles in offices, campuses and even churches especially among women would reveal that sexually expressive dressing has been on the rise for a very long time without minding the temper of the social fabric or public order.
Body parts are always readily on display and it would appear that pornography has been taken to a live art form on the streets. If pornography were as ‘influential’ as it was made to be, then we would be experiencing more rapes than we currently do.
Pornography has a three fold influence: the body, the mind and the spirit. It affects the body principally by inflaming the passions through the instrumentality of the ‘eye’ gates. As the pictures come across the eyes, they are transmitted to the brain, culminating in nervous response. This provokes expressive action towards the opposite sex if not well managed.
The effect on the mind is more negative. The mind, being a store of information, merely stores the information, releasing it from time to time to play in its land of imagination. Another or a similar term for this is what is called voyeurism where sexual images play a game of travel, fantasy on the mind and body. Here, if the mind is a virgin field, the imagination is its cultivator. The battle for the control of our imagination is the battle for the control of our mind.
The sad thing about pornography is that since it is an industry, it feeds its loyalists with fantastic images which may or may not be consistent with reality. This often creates a frustration for seekers and the sought. The seekers seek in vain for the pictures in display, while the sought battle to meet the parameters on display, such that even when relationships are built on factors more durable than body parts, practitioners are never really sure if body parts are not the most important of factors driving the relationships.
Others have identified a more dangerous dynamic to the pornographic effects on the mind, citing its creation (or as the case may be the promotion) of lust in the individual.
Pornography has a negative value tending from its depiction of the female sex as an object of sexual exploitation. Those who frown at the practice are not known to apply any positive association to it, even though the practice has been long in existence and known to be foundational and catalytic to a wide variety of industries allied to or central to it.
Pornography (even if in a short-term) stems from a multi-cultural view of women as instruments of passion for the satisfaction of powerful male drives who need reinforcement from the female gender.
Typically, the male specie is task-oriented and this task-orientation finds subtle confirmation in the story of Adam’s creation.
As soon as he was created, Adam was put into an environment that was conducive to his task responsive and restless orientation.
Correspondingly, the unpretentious language of Paul in the male/female sexual dynamic prefaced by the use of the word ‘use’ becomes significant.
Feminists challenge or frown at the language of Paul once again, drawing attention even if unconvincingly, to the world ‘use’ as being determinative of males as sex objects asserting to its promotion of the sex trade and the occupational denigration of women.
This is true also for the seeming ‘negative’ motions of the ‘man’. The natural impulse, and the innate drive in man, ‘to do’, as normal as the blood flowing intravenously is so strong that men will themselves fight just for the plain pleasure of the relaxation following the expenditure of physical reserve or energy. For the same reason, men actively engage in many and several forms of sporting activity each variously conforming to their mage of ‘achievement’.
Interestingly, and on the converse, when female folk engage in partial or full exertions such as aerobic and, or sports, they carry it out as an incident of relationship, rather than as a purveyor of achievement except in situations in which the competition is carried out for the sake of a prize or trophy.
Subterranean attempts to change or challenge the ‘doing’ psyche of the male through denial of food, sex and exercise would only work to breed confusion and cause a twisting of the male emotion in him such as to render him emotionally incompetent and distant.
It is for this reason that the Bible cautions that in the mounding of the character of their flock, Christian leaders ought to be careful to ensure that they do not make their converts ‘twice the sons of hell’!
Some cruel Christian leaders have, however, left the work of God, by engaging ‘puppeteering’, playing ‘wicked’ mind games and selective persecution of their flock to fund ‘secret agenda’.
Boye Salau
It is the idea of God that family should exit. Children form part of the family. God loves family so much that Jesus was born into the family of Joseph.
Everyone’s family is good and important. Children should not look down on their family whether they are rich or poor.
Children should respect and honour their family and foster love among their siblings. They should work together and make peace in the family. They should always stand in the gap. It is good for family members to carry all along since everyone may not be doing well.
The Christianity that children learn is practised in family. Faith-based organisations do a great job in moulding children’s character. Those are the behaviours that children exhibit towards siblings in family.
Every child born in a family is there for a purpose. A baby born into a family is supplying something. It may be joy, wealth and so on. Everyone is important in a family.
Adolescents who have graduated from school but may not be contributing financially can do one or two things at home. You can engage in preparing meals at home while parents are away for a job or business. Contributing in house chores will go a long way to relieve parents of stress after a day’s job.
What do you contribute to your family, especially during holidays both in nuclear and extended family?
The family you were born is constant but friends are temporary. You can decide not to continue in friendship but you cannot cut off your family. No matter how bad you think your family is and you decide to leave home, you must surely return. Your friends can harbour you for a while.
The child’s first identity comes from the family. What the child learns first comes from the family.
Family is the centre of love and care. People have started playing down on marriage because of neglect on basics of family. Marriage starts today and and the next few months, it is threatened. Respect for family plays a crucial role in marriage.
No child grows without parental control and influence. If a child refuses to grow without taking instructions from parents, he may grow up being wild. There are consequences when children do not obey their parents. There are those who want to be rebellious against their parents. They should know that their length of days are tied to their parents.
Your bioligical parents know you more than every other person. There is the wisdom and knowledge your parents have that you do not so it is proper to listen to them before choosing carriers both in academics and job. A young man or woman can choose who to get married to, but a greater role in the choice of who to marry and the marriage proper comes from the parents.
They know what is best for you. No matter how modern trends will influence you and prove it wrong, parent is the key. No one can love you more than your parents because they are your blood.
A lot of parents have been traumatised due to the fact that children they nurtured and trained turned their back on them at older age. Children should not abandon their parents for any reason.
As you grow up, situations may arise in marriage when you decide it is over with your spouse, but no matter the level of provocation with your parents, they will not despise you. Parents will also play a role in that regard. Problem arises in every family but how it is handled matters a lot.
Some children honour their mentors more than their parents. Although there are parents who shy away from their responsibilities. It is important that parents take full responsibility of their children. You cannot bring a child to the planet earth and refuse to perform roles as a parent. But parents may not quantify what they spent from childhood to adolescence. That is a blessing children cannot get from another person.
There are people who have attributed their failure in life to the fact that their parents, especially mothers are witchcraft. It is wrong to feel that your mother is instrumental to your failure in life. The only way to success is hardwork.
Let money not determine the level of love for your parents. Wherever a child goes, family is constant.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
Naturally, when a child is born, it is the role of the father and mother to decide a suitable name for the child. The husband and wife normally discuss and suggest the English or vernacular name of the baby.
But sometimes, when a baby comes into a family, grandparents hearts are usually filled with joy to the extent that they want to answer present, by giving their own names not minding the fact that the biological parents have given theirs.
This happens mostly when the marriage is an inter-tribal one. It also happens even in intra-tribal marriage. Grandparents want equal representation as far as naming a child is concerned. They also have special names as a result of circumstances surrounding the birth of the child.
This is still happening till date.
A lot of people have viewed this in different ways but there is nothing wrong about it. The most important thing is that the child bears as many names as he or she can. But one thing is certain, the child must bear one name in school.
Should circumstance determine a child’s name?
Women who are more emotional are always eager to name their children considering the circumstances surrounding the child’s conception and arrival.
The issue of grandparents naming a child comes up mostly when it is the first of the family.
In naming children by some parents in the olden days, they named their children according to the days in the week in which they were born, like Sunday, Monday, Friday and so on.
You may be shocked to hear that whether a child is given 10 names by parents or grandparents, when he or she grows up, will decide to change. There are several cases where some persons decided to change especially when they feel that the names given by their parents and grandparents do not give them joy. If they are not doing well in life, they may claim that their misfortune is caused by the name their parents.
Competition among children in schools be it primary, (kindergarten) and secondary come in different forms. It can be Mathematics , debate, quiz, spelling bee,competition, from organisations like Cowbell, multi-national companies, faith-based organisations among others.
They are organised mostly for selected intelligent ones, the best among their peers to represent a class, school or group. Prizes are normally set aside for the best as well as consolation prizes for runners-up at the end of each session.
The question is, are children willing to accept defeat when they fail? As parents, guardians, can you encourage your children or wards to accept defeat instead of shouting and comparing them with others who may be performing better either in schools or outside.
Some parents may be blaming their children for not doing well in competitions. They will like to tell their children if others who may perform better have ten heads. Those group of parents blame their children for every failure.
For your children to do better in competition, the parents too must have emotional intelligence. When you continue to blame your children for failure, how intelligent are you?
Some parents always want their children to be in the 1st position and unhappy whenever they secure 2nd position. There were instances where children smashed their trophies because they never got the position they wanted to get and their parents supported them.
Children should be able to accept it whether they win or not. They should be encouraged for every performance. Discourage the issue of “shame, shame, shame, shame”.
A parent says she always tells her children to win even if they will fail. Always give them the mentality that they can win. Children should be given the impression that they can win prizes and laurels in every competition.
Parents should not isolate their children from others in the neighbourhood. Allow them to play with others. Don’t threaten your children that you may not pay their schools fees if they fail. Comparing them with others may encourage or discourage them.
Coming first or getting award as a first class student from the university sometimes does not mean that the person is the best. And if the child does not merit any award in the lower classes, does not mean that he can not merit first class also.
It should be noted that coming first in academic competition may not really mean that the competitor will be the best at work place or business.
Accepting defeat is a way to move higher. Even if a child who competed with others did not come first, there are consolation prizes for runners-up. When you advise the child to accept defeat, you are encouraging her to win in next competition.
Remember all children cannot be on the same knowledge level Their learning abilities defer.
Eunice Choko-Kayode