Women
Just Before You Say “I Do”
As cases of marriage today divorce tomorrow make regular headlines on the dailies, some sound minds and marriage counsellors, are of the view that this enigma if not checked, could possibly bring marriage; a hitherto ordained institution of integrity to disrepute.
Mrs Nzokurum Mercy, a marriage counsellor and educationist (nurse educator) with 35 years of nursing/occupational health practice and a mother of 3, is one woman that is passionate about the development of the marriage institution.
In her books, “Living For One Another and Marital Bumps … How To Ride Them In Style”, which were recently launched, Mrs Nzokurum unraveled some possible obstacles that tend to pose serious challenges to couples and possibly terminate a relationship that was supposedly intended for a life time.
She also, highlighted the importance and criticalities of family health; its impact on marriage and family at large, while also unraveling the bumps which militate against some marriages.
Describing bumps as such that tend to slow down speed, make people give extra attention to their course, pose danger and draw attention to the need for a fix, she stated that marriages are not exempted from it even though they are contracted with the intent of bliss.
However, she insisted that the responses of the key players to these challenges determine to a great extent how much of the goals are attained, hence the need to pray for God’s guidance while in search for life partners as well as be duly guided before they say “I do”.
In her words, “when health challenges ensue, there is the need to be resilient, hold on to the rock of their union, keep to their vows in sickness and in health”.
Mrs Nzokurum, who believes that bliss full marital relationship is realistic agrees that though couples could come from different backgrounds with diverse cultural differences, it is imperative on them to blend as the author of marriage (God) demanded.
On why some marriages work and others don’t, the marriage counsellor maintained that the divergent views in marriage stems from the fact that some key factors enter into it without commitment to working it out, pointing out that with the pressure of life, this grade of people are bound to give up.
On the other hand, she continued, “some people who have not witnessed their parents breakthrough in marriage find it extremely difficult to break the vicious cycle while some get determined to make it in spite of all odds and because they are positive, it works for them”.
According to the educator, some of the decisions taken prior to marriage could mar or make it eventually. A priority to health status like getting to know genotypes and possibly bowing out of the proposal for a lifelong relationship when not suitable, rather than adamantly going into it must not be risked, she insists.
In her words, “we have seen some people take that bold step and make it eventually, it all depends on one’s faith in God and the kind of health challenge faced. Some would-be couples discover a partner is HIV positive or they are both sickle cell carriers and still forge ahead to marry, trusting God for healing and medical care, it may have paid off for some but some have had to burry spouses untimely of course the case of sickle is better imagined than experienced.
Generally, Mrs Nzokurum is of the opinion that those with genotype ‘AS’ should find out that of their would-be spouse early enough before their love gets established. They should ensure they pair up with AA to forestall the procreation sickle cell children and its heart-breaking effect on the family.
Youth, she advised should endeavour to adhear to the advice of marriage counsellors as a guide to successful marriage.
Mrs Nzokurum, who wishes to run an NGO that would act as marriage mentor where such individuals who may not have access to marriage counsellors could be helped, advised parents to see themelves as role models and avoid lives that are not worthy of emulation so as not to cause the young ones to fail in both their marriages and service to God and humanity.
IVY-K Fashion by Igiebor Daddy Lucky, a Nigerian-born designer now based in the UK, has launched the latest menswear line, Dapper Man.
One of the collection’s strengths is its classic, clean aesthetic. Dapper Man delivers sharp, structured suits in a timeless black and white color scheme that exudes a sense of luxury and professionalism. The use of high-quality fabrics like wool and silk ensures that the suits not only look high-end but also feel luxurious to the wearer. The designer’s focus on detail is evident in the meticulous tailoring, with fitted blazers and crisp trousers forming the foundation of the collection.
Where IVY-K Fashion shines is in the subtle yet elegant touches. The inclusion of beads as embellishments on lapels and cuffs adds a unique flair, blending traditional craft with modern tailoring. This nod to African heritage gives the collection a distinct identity, offering something more personal and culturally significant than your standard menswear line.
However, despite the elegance of the Dapper Man collection, there is a lingering sense of missed opportunity. The black-and-white color palette, while classic, feels overly safe. In a fashion landscape where bold colors and daring patterns often make the strongest impact, the collection could benefit from incorporating more vibrant hues or experimenting with unconventional fabrics. Pushing the envelope with color or texture could elevate these designs from simply elegant to truly memorable.
In addition, while the tailoring of the blazers and trousers is immaculate, the collection lacks a sense of playfulness or modern edge that many contemporary menswear lines are embracing. The suits are undoubtedly stylish, but the collection as a whole leans heavily on tradition. Experimenting with asymmetrical cuts, bold patterns, or even layering could add an exciting dimension to Dapper Man. The challenge is to maintain the sleek sophistication of the collection while infusing it with a fresh, innovative spirit.
Another area that could use improvement is the overall cohesion of the collection. While the suits are well-crafted, there is a feeling of repetition across the pieces. More variation in design, such as different lapel styles, pocket configurations, or even bolder accessories, would give the collection greater diversity and visual interest.
In conclusion, Dapper Man by Igiebor Daddy Lucky showcases the designer’s strong grasp of classic tailoring and elegant design, but to truly capture the attention of a broader audience, IVY-K Fashion would benefit from more daring choices. By infusing the collection with bold colors, unexpected textures, and a more modern edge, Dapper Man could move from a well-crafted line to a trendsetting force in men’s fashion. With such a solid foundation, there’s no doubt that Igiebor Daddy Lucky has the potential to lead his brand toward greater heights
The trend of indecent dressing all in the name of fashion is fast becoming a norm in our generation and society at large. Most married women embrace this fashion as competition with single ladies.
Different scholars have given an in depth insight about dressing as a tool of communication. Non-verbal communication has been asserted as the communication between people by the means of signs or symbols. It conveys what we wish to disseminate to the public as either intentionally or not.
According to Paul Ekman and Michael Argyle, communication is carried out through what has been classified as “Presentational Code”. He listed nine codes of non-verbal communication, as body contact, facial expression, gestures, postures, eye movement, proximity, orientation, head nods and appearance.
This, being stated, married and single ladies should understand that their mode of dressing is communicative be it directly or indirectly as such body parts we call “private” are now being made public because of the trends or wearing of transparent dresses and this in turn calls on the attention of men who are weak and prone to illicit thoughts thus, resulting to most rape cases in our society.
This indecent dressing by most ladies has denied many their future husbands. The truth is that a man is attracted to his kind; his desires in marriage. It is often asserted that decency and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder, yet, in trending times of this 21st century, dress code and fashion in nudity form is gaining popularity.
This has become complicated as most men tend to toggle between their emotions (lust) and sanity (rationality) in terms of marriage, thereby setting a wrong foundation upon which most marriages are consummated.
On the other hand, most married women have embraced the trend of indecent dressing nipping it on the state of it being the choice dressing, approved by their spouses, leaving society with the question of what “responsible” man would prefer that the secrecy of the benefit of his marital vow has become the centre of attraction and viewership by the general public.
Hence, communicating with their dressing gas given licence to every male gender who is interested or attracted to what they see to make unsolicited sexual passes at them, which might be considered embarrassing.
At this juncture, it is important to state that ladies should dress decently knowing that they are the epitome of nation-building, they are nation-builders, character moulders and pacesetters not just in the lives of their families but to the society at large.
In most occasions, there are no clear border lines between the married women and the single ladies because of the rate of scanty dressing which has close the gap of differences.
Women and girls should embrace this call awakening to decent mode of dressing. Dresses that are meant to be worn indoors should remain indoors.
It is worrisome to see ladies wear shorts that are supposed to be worn in the living room on the streets without shame. This is an awakening call to our ladies, married and singles that the opposite sex do not expose their private body parts for the public. Sometimes, the ladies go about in the streets without wearing brazziers as to showcase their nipples.
The society should be sanitised of the menace of indecent dressing that is lurking and taking over the entire nooks and crannies of the society and the nation at large.
Let it be known that he or she is addressed in the manner he or she is dressed. There may be no room for a second impression. To the single ladies, your dressing decently will not stop you from meeting your Mr Right rather, it will increase your stake and place you on the list of most valued women in the society.
Dressing speaks louder than words.
Kate Chisom Isiocha
Isiocha is an OND final year student of Temple Gate Polytechnic.
