Women
Parents And Children’s Character Moulding
Good manners are in a
state of flux as they were never before. One can no longer turn to the rules that worked 50 or even 20 years ago. Casual life styles seem to be the order of the day because good manners are regarded by most people as formal and rigid in outlook. Thus, in the bid to survive the harsh economy of our time, most people trade pleasing personalities for bread and butter. This is very unfortunate because one’s actions and behaviour will be observed by others and a wrong first impression is more lasting than any number of good deeds that may follow.
The kind of manners and etiquette you have, reveal a lot about you, especially your home upbringing, your class, your personalities etc. It is unfortunate that it is those who are devoid of class that continuously remind themselves and others of possessing an abundance of it. Have you ever heard some persons who talk of their most recent trip abroad, their imported household goods, their fleets of cars, their intellect and fame, their good accent and diction to mention but a few. All these do not constitute pleasing personality themselves but good manners, etiquette, modesty, honesty, politeness, sincerity etc.
Sound manners and good etiquette are based on three most enduring of all human traits-kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration for others. The primary enemies of good manners and etiquettes are anger, impatience, greed etc. Because of human nature, sometimes even very civilised or well-behaved people can be found wanting in good manners. If you want to save your reputation, keep your temper or desires in check and respect the rights of others. The benefits of good manners and etiquette cannot be over emphasised. Good manners are essential in building good relationships with other people. A person with a fine sense of etiquette exudes confidence. Such person is able to put everybody at ease regardless of their social rank or status.
Thus, by cultivating correct mannerisms and using them constantly, one is sure to be able to tackle various occasions with confidence.
Children are at the learning stage, they have an uncanny sense of perception and memory. Children not only learn what you teach them but also observe your behaviours, attitude and ways of dealing with them and others. That is why teaching your children basic manners take top priority. Just as you provide them with the best of food, clothes and education, teach them the best of manners so that they can do the right thing at the right time.
Thus, to inculcate good manners and etiquette in your children, it is very important that you observe these golden rules at home regularly. For instance, studies have revealed that when parents and elderly members of the family show proper respect for servants/subordinates, children will emulate this behaviour and are equally respectful to their teachers/guardians.
But a child whose parents shout and abuse the servants/subordinates is usually very disrespectful to the teacher/guardian. Again, a young lad who has the habit of pulling out the chair for the elderly members of his family at the dining table and offering the comfortable chair he has been sitting in when his mother comes into the living room will easily do so to other women and elders in the society.
Although manners can never be completely standardised, various societies place emphasis on the proper forms of behaviour. For instance, in a typical African society, one of the ways to access a thorough bred individual is the way he or she holds himself or herself.
It has become a common sight now to see some young persons stand slumped over like a loose-joined puppet with their hands tucked in their pockets and shuffling their feet lazily as they walk. Good posture habits include the way you sit, stand or walk. How you stand, walk and sit strongly influences people’s judgement of you because posture is very closely associated with one’s nature. If you sit erect, use your hands properly and know how to manage your legs while sitting in a group, you portray an image of a confident and composed person but if you plonk down on a chair or scrabble for a seat or sit with legs wide apart revealing the most private of all areas and with unrelaxed hands, you portray an image of lack of an aura of sincerity and poise.
Thus, by teaching your children good posture habits, you have not only saved their physique but a lot of future embarrassments as well.
Another way of judging one’s breeding is greeting. It is polite custom to greet people at least the first time you see them each day. Greeting enhances your image, break the veneer of formality and spells goodwill. There are several forms of verbal greeting, namely, a friendly smile, a nod, a wink, a handshake, a hug, verbal greetings etc. Verbal greeting is the universal verbal forms of greeting which is acceptable in most situations. In this part of the world, it is good morning or good afternoon. In this age of casual lifestyle, instead of good morning or good afternoon, most young people say “how far” or even try to shake their elders. Children should be properly guided by parents on the various pattern of greeting. Leave-taking, dismissing or escorting someone is also part and parcel of greetings.
Another way of judging one’s class is conversations. Speaking is idiosyncratic. It is a reflection of learned pattern of talking and personality. For a child, the first rule for a good conversation should be politeness and respect for others. Slang should be out of “polite” conversation and when talking with your elders, family friends and superiors.
A child should also be taught not to interrupt while two persons are talking. People with communication problem frequently and rudely interrupt others. Polite words such as please, thank you, excuse me, bye, hello etc should be essential part of their speech.
Another area of judging one’s breeding is table manners.
Lack of table manners can make one ridiculous. Good table manners are second nature to someone who has been taught correct manners right from cradle. It is embarrassing that in some homes, toddlers feed from the floor while their plates are empty.
Teach the child gently yet firmly all that he should gradually know starting with the basic things first. A practical method of teaching is always better. Seat your child beside yourself when you eat and show him or her what to do.
As a general rule, when used with spoon or knife, fork is held in the left hand with the prongs facing upwards but when used alone, fork is held on the right hand with the prongs facing upwards. All gravy dishes such as rice, beans etc may be eaten with a spoon not a fork. Chicken can either be eaten with fingers or knife and fork while fish is eaten with a fork and knife and salad with fork. African eating habits rely upon our God-given five fingers and do not demand the strict use of knife or fork or even spoon.
The worst table manners are those that suggest greediness or show an entire lack of consideration for others such as chewing with the mouth open, eating fast, shoveling food into the mouth in large forkfuls, swallowing with gulps, noisily sucking through the teeth, licking the fingers, talking through a mouthful of foods, blowing hot food to cool it, crumbling bread into tea, tearing the last clinging bits of meat from a chicken or any other bone with the teeth like dog, asking for another helping like Oliver Twist, spitting out hot food etc.
Other signs of ill breeding includes, cleaning your nose or your ears or your fingers in public, yawning without bringing your hand to your mouth, sleeping with mouth open, appearing in public with disorderly hair or clothings, standing with hands on the hips, cracking vulgar jokes in the presence of a lady banging doors, clattering down the stairs, using another’s property without permission, nagging, not remembering birthdays of family members etc.
Lack of good manners and etiquette is simply an indication of one’s level of sophistication and on the whole put one in poor perspective. Charming personality begins from the home. Some part of behaviour pattern in time becomes a part of our personality. Thus, ill breeding in the family if not corrected can degenerate into some social menaces such as robbery, violence, corruption etc because as a being is so the being acts.
Obasi is a student of Catholic Institute of West African (CIWA), PH .
Marie C. Obasi
School children at a public event in Port Harcourt. Photo: Obinna Prince Dele
Looking good is some women’s business. Looking beautiful for some persons is more important than food. Some prefer to appear trendy instead of attending to household pressure.
Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder. Every woman by creature is beautiful but some persons feel that the way they were created is not enough. They feel that perhaps the creator should have added more features to their physic.
Artificial beauty did not start today, it has been there as far as man exists. From time to time, there has been one form of additional make-up or the other that women especially, must add to their natural look.
When you look at some of our elders, especially women, you notice certain drills or symbols (tattoo) on their skins, mostly on their hands and legs, in form of designs with dark prints. That is a form of artificial beauty. These days, some young ones still use such to beautify themselves.
It is not only women that are involved in artificial beauty, some young men also have likeness for it. It is common nowadays to see younger male folks spend money to pierce their ears to wear earrings. They also style their hairs in various forms to appear like women so as to look more handsome. This no doubt costs them more money than being in their natural look.
Every generation grows with it’s own new systems, items, styles of artificial beauty. Before now, African women generally and Nigeria in particular had their hair in natural form.
As civilisation and westernisation continued, Nigerian women started copying, for instance, perming of their hair to look like the White women. They started using western-produced chemicals (relaxers) to make their hairs look sleepy and smoother.
Nigerian women used to plate their hair with black thread or go with their hair well cut at low level. In terms of weaving, it was without attachment. The issue of women weaving hair with attachment came with civilisation. That is also a form of make-up.
The quest for extra beauty aside the way women were created has been from one generation to another.
Two or three decades ago, ladies used mascaras to darken and thicken their eyelashes. But in this 21st century, another system has evolved. Fixing of artificial eyelashes has become the order of the day.
In that case, it becomes difficult for them to scratch their eyes Incase of any itches. Some of their eyes turn reddish because of the touch.
There was a lady who was fixing her eyelashes in a salon, unfortunately, she got a phone call that her mother was late, as she started crying, it was difficult for her to clean the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.
The reason was for fear of the eye lashes falling off while cleaning the tears off her eyes.
One funny thing about fixing of artificial eyelashes is that some persons cannot close their eyes properly. The beauty they have in mind before fixing is not really achieved as their look become something anybody cannot behold. Both the shape of their eyes and facial outlook automatically change. One begins to wonder if that is the beauty they are looking for. Instead of looking beautiful, the reverse becomes the case.
As years go by, artificial beauty becomes more sophisticated in the society. The price and cost for looking more beautiful than women were created naturally becomes higher than their natural look.
The cosmetic industry becomes one of the most viable industries worldwide because some women desire artificial beauty. Some engage in cosmetic surgery to alter any part of their body which does not give them pleasure especially the fatty parts. Some go for surgery to make their slacked breasts to return to their original shapes as well as those with big tummies.
It is interesting to note that currently, Nigerian ladies have started to give preference to their natural hair and this is attracting a lot of admiration for them. Many prefer that natural look with low cuts. With that, the cost of maintaining the hair by ladies is reduced.
I think this is commendable as it will save the women from the negative effect of chemical used in manufacturing hair relaxers.
It is also common to see ladies on low cut hairs that are either light complexion, red and other funny colours.
People have been addicted to artificial beauty to the extent that they insert certain substances into their bodies to make them become more robust and attractive to their admirers.
I don’t understand why we should be crazy about adding more to our natural look. Every woman wants to look attractive in a packaged manner without recognising the implications of artificial beauty and make-up.
In fact, women’s quest for beauty has taken different dimension as they tend to appear trendy at home, in offices and as they go about their businesses. That is just to feel belonged and achieve self-esteem.
I recall a few years back, my pastor who trained as an Engineer advised women against the use of lipstick. He said that one of the chemical components of lipstick is lead and that it is dangerous to humans. Many women may not understand the reality of what he said until it manifests.
I think those who are naturally beautiful should not go for artificial make-ups. They should be satisfied with the work of their creator. Women should not continue to paint their faces to look like masquerades and should not lose value due to artificial beauty.
It may interest you to know that persons who apply make-ups excessively are mocked instead of being admired. Make-ups can be applied lightly.
Fixing of nails is another business. After fixing nails, some women find it difficult to perform house cores. Washing their personal belongings becomes a problem. The artificial nails become so long and sophisticated to the extent that the bearer cannot handle objects properly. Those in that habit also find it difficult to eat food with the fingers.
There are people who feel they should have been born in certain colour but when the reverse is the case, they seek artificial make-up. Use of skin-toning cream and soap becomes the option for artificial beauty. This happens to the extent that the users start having dark spots on the skin. Blisters occur on their faces and legs.
Unfortunately, this is an era when there are different kinds of cancer affecting women especially. It becomes difficult to identify the kind of make-up that can be cancerous.
It is high time people had stopped following trend to the detriment of their health.
Ladies should not present themselves as laughing stock with unnecessary make-up as they can still be cherished in their natural outlook.
Eunice Choko – Kayode
Yearly, the girls are celebrated not just because they are girls, but because of their importance to families, society and the nation at large.
You will agree that when the girl-child comes into a family first, that family is blessed. The assistance she renders to the family can not be compared to that of the opposite sex.
The job she does in the home cuts across many duties. In the home, she takes care of her younger ones. She assists her mother in carrying out house chores. After her educational career and she obtains a job, she caters for her family even as she is married out. She takes care of her aged parents in her matrimonial home.
This same girl-child when given the right training and opportunities, will also train her offspring. Thus, “train a woman and you train a nation”. When women are at the helms of affairs, things are done better.
Celebrating the girl-child yearly is a call to parents, families, faith-based organisations, non-governmental organisations, governments at all levels, and all relevant organisations that have one or two things to do with the girls to continue to put in place policies that will enhance their well-being.
On a daily basis, the girl-child faces more challenges. Sometimes, she finds it difficult to resist dangers. The issue of rape, violence of any form, sexual harassment, intimidation, discrimination in families about who should go to school or not.
The Nigeria Association of Women Journalists (NAWOJ), Rivers State chapter, called on the government, the state and local assembly to enact laws that criminalise any act capable of impeding the education of the girl-child.
The association made the call as it joined the world to commemorate the International Day of the Girl-Child, in Port Harcourt, Friday.
NAWOJ also appealed to ministry of education and other relevant authorities to prevail against hawking during school hours, as well as call for an end to early girl-child marriage.
The state chairperson of the association, Susan Serekara-Nwikhana, who spoke in an interview with the press said: “We are calling on the Rivers State government, the Rivers State House of Assembly and the Local Assembly to enact laws that criminalise any act capable of impeding on the education of the girl child.
“We also want the government to throw her weight against any girl-child found hawking on the streets during school hours as this will serve as deterrent to any parent or ward that is nursing such idea.
“There is need for every girl-child to be properly educated as this impact generally on the society positively.”
Speaking on the 2024 theme which is, “Girls’ Vision For The Future”, NAWOJ chair stressed the need for parents to prioritise the education of their daughters.
She explained that quality education was key to an assured future for every girl-child, stressing that education unlocks doors of possibilities and the I-can spirit.
Her words: “Remember, you put an end to blind submission when you train the girl-child. Today, many girl-children have been abandoned and are left to pass through harrowing conditions that they never dreamt of due to lack of education.
“Do you know that the girl child suffer most as she is confronted with lots of challenges from the day she was born into a home; siblings rivalry on who should go to school and who should not, a decision that most parents take that negatively impedes on the girl-child and to the day she steps into her husband’s house, especially with a wicked mother-in-law or father-in-law.”
She noted that only those female children privileged to acquire quality education can surmount the challenges that confront them on their way to greatness.
“As we all know that the role of every woman in the society cannot be over-emphasised as such without education given to the gild-child, the society will raise dysfunctional women, who are abused, used and abandoned”, she emphasised.
The NAWOJ chair insisted: “When the girl-child is exposed to education, you have given her opportunity to endless possibilities, thereby putting an end to subjugation and blind subservient”.
As Rivers State joins the rest of the world to mark the 2024 International Day of the Girl-Child, a non-profit organisation, Multi Stakeholders Committee for the Prevention of Gender-Based Violence in Rivers State has called for policies to protect the girl- child against gender-based violence.
It also urged for massive investment in the development of the girl-child.
The group said this in a statement to mark the day.
According to the statement signed by the coordinator of the group, who is also the Head of the Public Defender, Rivers State, Evelyn Membere Asimiea, time has come for the society to stand together and ensure that no girl is left behind.
She also said the celebration which has as its theme, “Girls, Vision For The Future”, is a call to action not just to acknowledge the challenges girls face but to actively empower them.
According to the statement, as we join the global community to celebrate the International Day of the Girl-Child, we are reminded of the powerful potential of every girl and the urgent need to invest in their rights. This year’s theme, “Girls: Vision For The Future,” calls us to action not just to acknowledge the challenges girls face but to actively empower them as leaders of tomorrow.
Mrs Asimiea said time has come for stakeholders including government, civil society organisations, families and individuals to stand together and ensure that no girl is left behind.
“As Coordinator of the Multi-Stakeholders Committee for the Prevention of Gender-Based Violence and Head of the Office of the Public Defender, Rivers State, I wish to highlight that our girls are at the heart of building strong, safe, and prosperous communities. Yet, they are often the most vulnerable to violence, discrimination, and neglect. It is time for all of us—government, civil society, families, and individuals—to stand together and ensure that no girl is left behind”, the statement said.
She also called for massive investment in the girl- child, adding: “Investing in girls means ensuring they have access to quality education, healthcare, and equal opportunities.
“It means protecting them from all forms of gender-based violence (GBV), child marriage, and harmful traditional practices.
“When we invest in the safety, education, and empowerment of girls, we are investing in the future of our state and nation.”
It reiterated its commitment to continue to advocate for the right of the girl child, stressing that the group is working tirelessly to advocate for the rights of girls and the women.
“We are working tirelessly to advocate for the rights of girls and women, providing legal support to survivors of GBV, and pushing for stronger policies to prevent violence and protect their futures.
“But we cannot do it alone. We need every family, every community leader, and every citizen to take responsibility for the well-being of our girls.
“On this day, I urge you all to commit to creating a world where every girl feels safe, valued, and empowered to lead. Together, we can build a Rivers State where girls’ rights are protected, and their leadership flourishes, for the future of all of us”, the coordinator said.
As we mark this year’s girl-child day, women groups all over the world should as a matter of fact, continue to create awareness on the need to develop them in the right way so that they can showcase their potentials.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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