Women
Why Marriages No Longer Last
Couple sharing love
One of the institutions
of God that man has embraced with very sense of eagerness and satisfaction has been marriage. It is something that every man and woman irrespective of religion or race craves for, something that spreads’ joy across the families of both the bride and groom, something that gives some sense of life’s fulfillment in every human being across the globe.
It is esteemed high to the extent that the absence of it in the life of an average man or woman poses some level of irresponsibility, depression and even tension.
It has become a normal that in recent times, every weekend is packed with marriage ceremonies in village squares, churches and or event places with happiness on the faces of attendants.
It is a wonder however, that such an event of life with all its show of beauty, creativity, joy and blessings, could still be attended to with levity so much that, the more wedding ceremonies, the more cases of divorce.
Divorce, as it were, has become part of life among couples. It is seen as the best option where any form of supposed irregularity is found in marriage. The accompaniment of shame and stigma has been trivialised to the extent that “it does not matter, life goes on”.
Supprisingly, divorce was not as rampant even in the late 1980’s as it is now. Challenged with this worry, The Tide’s Women’s Desk was poised to unravel the mask behind the scene.
A close investigation of the issue reveals that there are cases of marriage that lasted for just a month. Very shocking was the news of a marriage that ended just after the couple’s honey-moon, where they parted ways on their way back from the ‘moon’.
Some however, took months and even years before divorce sets in.
A manager of one of the renowned beauty homes in Port Harcourt who pleaded anonymity, told this desk that there are a lot of factors that contribute to the high rate of divorce in recent times.
“The world today cannot be compared to that of yesterday. There are so many changes and demands such that you need a partner that will share your ideas and help you to accomplish your dreams as a woman. Unfortunately, some of these men are just not there to help you grow. Instead, they are out to drain every aspect of your life and for any wise woman, there is no need sharing your life with such a man but to get out and get going,” she said.
She explained that the incompatibility of the man and woman is enough reason for the marriage not to continue because it could lead to an untimely death of one of the partners.
According to her, “some men are just irresponsible that no significant interest is shown in the progress of the union. They are just after the sharing of bed” she revealed that such was the situation she endured for three years after which she decided to call it a quit.
Mrs Celestina Hekerem, a banker with Eco Bank was of the view that the present hard economy was a contributory factor to the issue of divorce.
“Today’s economy is very sophisticated and highly demanding. It requires all hands (husband and wife) to be on deck for the family to push on. Apart from those that I would described as being highly favoured by God, most couples are either unemployed or one of them making do with one meager salary paid job or the other.
It takes an enduring partner to stay through the marriage otherwise, it is divorce.” Celestina also said that to avoid divorce most young men and young women would not want to marry an unemployed person ‘because until you have the experience, you will not understand, she added.
According to Mr. Tonye Fiberesima, “how can you continue with the marriage that you entered into with the mind that your bride is a virgin only to discover that she is not.”
Fiberesima maintained that marriage was supposed to be built on sincerity and devoid of every form of pretence. Unfortunately, he noted, most marriage are founded on untruthfulness and pretence and because they must be exposed someday, the marriage can’t continue.
Doctors Blessing Amadi and Godstime Ike of the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital were of the view that Infertility/Sterility among couples are major causes of divorce.
“Ofcourse, one of the basic reasons of marriage is for procreation and where this is absent after many years of marriage, it is somehow bound to crash except for very few enduring couples.”
They also revealed that the libido or romantic aspect of a partner can contribute to the rise and fall of a marriage.
Pastor Anyalebechi Nnunukwe of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Port Harcourt, attributed the cause of divorce to adultery, intolerance and lack of patience among couples.
He said “a lot of couples today for reasons known to them have lost sight of the original nature of marriage that a man would leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and both of them shall become one flesh. They have relegated this injunction by God and turned to sharing their flesh with two or even multiple fleshes.
Besides, they are different entities coming together to live their lives and share a common goal. This requires a high level of tolerance and patience. Unfortunately, these virtues seem to be lacking in most couples resulting to divorce.
On his part, Chief Nsan Enerene said “marriage is to foster posterity. Your marriage should provide you with a son that will continue your lineage. Your wife could give you only female children and you might be lenient enough to pick another wife to give you the male sex child but your wife may not agree with you and so, the best thing is to get divorced.”
A 92- year old retiree of the federal civil service, Pa Akande Ishaya, lamented that today’s marriages are made up of youngsters who are immature and unknowledgeable of the nitty-gritty of marriage, stating that it is a major cause of divorce.
It seems that the quest for marriage among young men and women has neglected the idea of courtship. Most of these issues would have been resolved and the marriage formed with every sense of understanding, tolerance and hopefulness.
Moreso, life itself is a check and balance, the absence of which would result to unfathomable chaos. Thus, what can not be changed, I think, should be rationally endured the original beauty of marriage could be returned.
Lady Godknows
IVY-K Fashion by Igiebor Daddy Lucky, a Nigerian-born designer now based in the UK, has launched the latest menswear line, Dapper Man.
One of the collection’s strengths is its classic, clean aesthetic. Dapper Man delivers sharp, structured suits in a timeless black and white color scheme that exudes a sense of luxury and professionalism. The use of high-quality fabrics like wool and silk ensures that the suits not only look high-end but also feel luxurious to the wearer. The designer’s focus on detail is evident in the meticulous tailoring, with fitted blazers and crisp trousers forming the foundation of the collection.
Where IVY-K Fashion shines is in the subtle yet elegant touches. The inclusion of beads as embellishments on lapels and cuffs adds a unique flair, blending traditional craft with modern tailoring. This nod to African heritage gives the collection a distinct identity, offering something more personal and culturally significant than your standard menswear line.
However, despite the elegance of the Dapper Man collection, there is a lingering sense of missed opportunity. The black-and-white color palette, while classic, feels overly safe. In a fashion landscape where bold colors and daring patterns often make the strongest impact, the collection could benefit from incorporating more vibrant hues or experimenting with unconventional fabrics. Pushing the envelope with color or texture could elevate these designs from simply elegant to truly memorable.
In addition, while the tailoring of the blazers and trousers is immaculate, the collection lacks a sense of playfulness or modern edge that many contemporary menswear lines are embracing. The suits are undoubtedly stylish, but the collection as a whole leans heavily on tradition. Experimenting with asymmetrical cuts, bold patterns, or even layering could add an exciting dimension to Dapper Man. The challenge is to maintain the sleek sophistication of the collection while infusing it with a fresh, innovative spirit.
Another area that could use improvement is the overall cohesion of the collection. While the suits are well-crafted, there is a feeling of repetition across the pieces. More variation in design, such as different lapel styles, pocket configurations, or even bolder accessories, would give the collection greater diversity and visual interest.
In conclusion, Dapper Man by Igiebor Daddy Lucky showcases the designer’s strong grasp of classic tailoring and elegant design, but to truly capture the attention of a broader audience, IVY-K Fashion would benefit from more daring choices. By infusing the collection with bold colors, unexpected textures, and a more modern edge, Dapper Man could move from a well-crafted line to a trendsetting force in men’s fashion. With such a solid foundation, there’s no doubt that Igiebor Daddy Lucky has the potential to lead his brand toward greater heights
The trend of indecent dressing all in the name of fashion is fast becoming a norm in our generation and society at large. Most married women embrace this fashion as competition with single ladies.
Different scholars have given an in depth insight about dressing as a tool of communication. Non-verbal communication has been asserted as the communication between people by the means of signs or symbols. It conveys what we wish to disseminate to the public as either intentionally or not.
According to Paul Ekman and Michael Argyle, communication is carried out through what has been classified as “Presentational Code”. He listed nine codes of non-verbal communication, as body contact, facial expression, gestures, postures, eye movement, proximity, orientation, head nods and appearance.
This, being stated, married and single ladies should understand that their mode of dressing is communicative be it directly or indirectly as such body parts we call “private” are now being made public because of the trends or wearing of transparent dresses and this in turn calls on the attention of men who are weak and prone to illicit thoughts thus, resulting to most rape cases in our society.
This indecent dressing by most ladies has denied many their future husbands. The truth is that a man is attracted to his kind; his desires in marriage. It is often asserted that decency and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder, yet, in trending times of this 21st century, dress code and fashion in nudity form is gaining popularity.
This has become complicated as most men tend to toggle between their emotions (lust) and sanity (rationality) in terms of marriage, thereby setting a wrong foundation upon which most marriages are consummated.
On the other hand, most married women have embraced the trend of indecent dressing nipping it on the state of it being the choice dressing, approved by their spouses, leaving society with the question of what “responsible” man would prefer that the secrecy of the benefit of his marital vow has become the centre of attraction and viewership by the general public.
Hence, communicating with their dressing gas given licence to every male gender who is interested or attracted to what they see to make unsolicited sexual passes at them, which might be considered embarrassing.
At this juncture, it is important to state that ladies should dress decently knowing that they are the epitome of nation-building, they are nation-builders, character moulders and pacesetters not just in the lives of their families but to the society at large.
In most occasions, there are no clear border lines between the married women and the single ladies because of the rate of scanty dressing which has close the gap of differences.
Women and girls should embrace this call awakening to decent mode of dressing. Dresses that are meant to be worn indoors should remain indoors.
It is worrisome to see ladies wear shorts that are supposed to be worn in the living room on the streets without shame. This is an awakening call to our ladies, married and singles that the opposite sex do not expose their private body parts for the public. Sometimes, the ladies go about in the streets without wearing brazziers as to showcase their nipples.
The society should be sanitised of the menace of indecent dressing that is lurking and taking over the entire nooks and crannies of the society and the nation at large.
Let it be known that he or she is addressed in the manner he or she is dressed. There may be no room for a second impression. To the single ladies, your dressing decently will not stop you from meeting your Mr Right rather, it will increase your stake and place you on the list of most valued women in the society.
Dressing speaks louder than words.
Kate Chisom Isiocha
Isiocha is an OND final year student of Temple Gate Polytechnic.
