Opinion
Conditions For A Happy Marriage
No two persons are the same or walk the same path in the journey of life on earth, but we can meet matching companions if we have the good fortune to find them. Robert Louis Stevenson would say that we are all travellers in the wilderness of life; but the best we can find is someone we can call an honest friend. In marital relationship, to find such honest and matching friends, the following ten conditions are vitally necessary, with faith in God for guidance.
Genuine Love between an adult male and female is usually motivated and kindled by a truly heart-felt affinity and empathy; nurtured by some period of close acquaintanceship. Care must be taken to ensure that such love is not fostered by physical considerations such as nice dress, a charming face or some other momentary infatuation. Rather, genuine love evokes some deep feeling of affinity which longs for closer companionship, not based on selfish lust. It does not pander to vices, indulgence, but seeks to ennoble, build up and complement each other.
Loyalty is a strong attribute of love whereby there awakens a personal commitment, conviction and devotion towards lasting relationship. Even where there are competitions and other options, loyalty can make sacrifices without counting losses. Thus there is element of trust in a love that combines with loyalty. Faith grows and sustains loyalty.
Mutual Confidence and Understanding arise and grow where love combines with loyalty, thus fostering harmony in relationships. This condition arises where partners see relationship as an investment, with a strong volition to build up and create lasting values. Justice and honesty give added value to domestic peace and harmony. Tolerance fosters mutual understanding.
Ability to forgive “trespasses”. It is false and wrong to presume that anyone is perfect, having no personal flaws. Neither does it help for anyone to pretend or assume an air of sanctimony. One of the tasks of genuine love is to help a loved one to change and get better, rather than sink further in personal deficiency. Thus the ability to forgive trespasses calls for mutual up-building, through one partner becoming a mirror for the other; to identify personal deficiencies and to correct them on a mutual and complementary basis. Women are better as identifiers and rectifiers of deficiencies, which accounts for the tendency towards nagging; but women’s tantrums can bring about transformations.
Ability to fulfill sex roles. It is a sad but true observation that not all women are genuine women, just as not all men are genuine men. The phenomenon of sex distortion arises from a woman veering into male lifestyle and action pattern, or vice versa. Results of these anomalies manifest in lesbianism, homosexuality, trans-gender freaks and growth of beards by women. These anomalies affect individual blood radiations and hormones which also affect marital relationships. Surely, marriages where there are features of sex distortion or mis-match in sex roles, harmony or happiness would be undermined.
Sharing and caring culture. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand other people’s feelings and problems. Therefore sharing and caring as a domestic culture includes putting oneself in the position of the other partner, rather than pass any judgement without sharing ideas, feelings and problems. The culture of empathy gives a personal touch in relationships, keeping and holding a family together in harmony.
Load-shedding and regeneration. For the purposes of preservation, healing and regeneration of biological and botanical species, there is periodic shedding and renewal of leaves and cells. Any possible threat or obstruction is sensed in advance and changes put in place to contain them; this being an observable immune system we find in nature. Similar system must feature in marital relationship which may be called Sabbath and Jubilees, meant to preserve, heal and regenerate bonds of affinity. There is hardly an easy sail in life, and therefore, during lean seasons, it is necessary to embark on load-shedding, without any feeling of bitterness. Similarly, monotony and boredom should demand planning and taking some regular holiday away from home.
Cultivating a sense of humour. Like local content policy in national economy, an ideal family must cultivate a sense of humour, whereby joys and follies to laugh about should evolve from the grassroots. A two-year-old son told his father that he looked like a “monster” when he had a quarrel with “mother”. That became a family joke whose humour kindles restraint and tolerance. The habit of imitating others or borrowing what is alien and non-indigenous to the family must not be allowed to bring any sad result. An old book titled: The Pleasure of Quarrelling, enumerated the advantages of letting off tension and laughing over irritating experiences. Life of ease and comfort and absence of stress are not determinants of happiness.
Personal discipline. This may also be called self-control, which demands that an individual should learn to hold personal emotions in check, and more so in the domestic environment. Women in particular tend to go out of control when tension and emotions go high, but it would be wrong to ascribe the out-burst of emotions to women alone. In many cases women use their tongues as lashing instrument, but men do worse by their fists for bashing their partners. In every case of mounting tension and emotion, it is advisable to move away momentarily from the scene and source of tension. Personal discipline or self-control also includes addressing those factors and behaviours which cause domestic tension. Cheating in marriage, lavish spending outside when the family is starving and similar wrongs, are often cited as causes of domestic tensions.
Looking together towards a sublime goal. An ancient clergy man reminded married couples that love does not involve two persons looking at and admiring each other, but the two looking together towards a sublime goal which goes beyond mundane issues. Marriage can be boring if there be no stimulus to give additional and regular impetus to it. Neither can such stimulus or impetus be provided by sex and such physical diversions that soon weary and weaken the body. Bringing up children together to become ideal human beings is a sublime task for couples. But when children are grown, that sublime task should extend to a wider human up-building project. It involves humanitarian services, demanding selfless commitment to some high and noble ideals. We must not forget the old idiom which admonishes against being unevenly yoked together with people of different mindset and worldview. In marriage, men should remember that women long for affection, attention and admiration.
Dr Amirize is a retired lecturer, Rivers State University, Port Harcourt.
Opinion
Wike VS Soldier’s Altercation: Matters Arising
The events that unfolded in Abuja on Tuesday November 11, 2025 between the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Chief Nyesom Wike and a detachment of soldiers guarding a disputed property, led by Adams Yerima, a commissioned Naval Officer, may go down as one of the defining images of Nigeria’s democratic contradictions. It was not merely a quarrel over land. It was a confrontation between civil authority and the military legacy that still hovers over our national life.
Nyesom Wike, fiery and fearless as always, was seen on video exchanging words with a uniformed officer who refused to grant him passage to inspect a parcel of land alleged to have been illegally acquired. The minister’s voice rose, his temper flared, and the soldier, too, stood his ground, insisting on his own authority. Around them, aides, security men, and bystanders watched, stunned, as two embodiments of the Nigerian state clashed in the open.
The images spread fast, igniting debates across drawing rooms, beer parlours, and social media platforms. Some hailed Wike for standing up to military arrogance; others scolded him for perceived disrespect to the armed forces. Yet beneath the noise lies a deeper question about what sort of society we are building and whether power in Nigeria truly understands the limits of its own reach.
It is tragic that, more than two decades into civil rule, the relationship between the civilian arm of government and the military remains fragile and poorly understood. The presence of soldiers in a land dispute between private individuals and the city administration is, by all civic standards, an aberration. It recalls a dark era when might was right, and uniforms conferred immunity against accountability.
Wike’s anger, even if fiery, was rooted in a legitimate concern: that no individual, however connected or retired, should deploy the military to protect personal interests. That sentiment echoes the fundamental democratic creed that the law is supreme, not personalities. If his passion overshot decorum, it was perhaps a reflection of a nation weary of impunity.
On the other hand, the soldier in question is a symbol of another truth: that discipline, respect for order, and duty to hierarchy are ingrained in our armed forces. He may have been caught between conflicting instructions one from his superiors, another from a civilian minister exercising his lawful authority. The confusion points not to personal failure but to institutional dysfunction.
It is, therefore, simplistic to turn the incident into a morality play of good versus evil.
*********”**** What happened was an institutional embarrassment. Both men represented facets of the same failing system a polity still learning how to reconcile authority with civility, law with loyalty, and service with restraint.
In fairness, Wike has shown himself as a man of uncommon courage. Whether in Rivers State or at the FCTA, he does not shy away from confrontation. Yet courage without composure often feeds misunderstanding. A public officer must always be the cooler head, even when provoked, because the power of example outweighs the satisfaction of winning an argument.
Conversely, soldiers, too, must be reminded that their uniforms do not place them above civilian oversight. The military exists to defend the nation, not to enforce property claims or intimidate lawful authorities. Their participation in purely civil matters corrodes the image of the institution and erodes public trust.
One cannot overlook the irony: in a country where kidnappers roam highways and bandits sack villages, armed men are posted to guard contested land in the capital. It reflects misplaced priorities and distorted values. The Nigerian soldier, trained to defend sovereignty, should not be drawn into private or bureaucratic tussles.
Sycophancy remains the greatest ailment of our political culture. Many of those who now cheer one side or the other do so not out of conviction but out of convenience. Tomorrow they will switch allegiance. True patriotism lies not in defending personalities but in defending principles. A people enslaved by flattery cannot nurture a culture of justice.
The Nigerian elite must learn to submit to the same laws that govern the poor. When big men fence off public land and use connections to shield their interests, they mock the very constitution they swore to uphold. The FCT, as the mirror of national order, must not become a jungle where only the powerful can build.
The lesson for Wike himself is also clear: power is best exercised with calmness. The weight of his office demands more than bravery; it demands statesmanship. To lead is not merely to command, but to persuade — even those who resist your authority.
Equally, the lesson for the armed forces is that professionalism shines brightest in restraint. Obedience to illegal orders is not loyalty; it is complicity. The soldier who stands on the side of justice protects both his honour and the dignity of his uniform.
The Presidency, too, must see this episode as a wake-up call to clarify institutional boundaries. If soldiers can be drawn into civil enforcement without authorization, then our democracy remains at risk of subtle militarization. The constitution must speak louder than confusion.
The Nigerian public deserves better than spectacles of ego. We crave leaders who rise above emotion and officers who respect civilian supremacy. Our children must not inherit a nation where authority means shouting matches and intimidation in public glare.
Every democracy matures through such tests. What matters is whether we learn the right lessons. The British once had generals who defied parliament; the Americans once fought over states’ rights; Nigeria, too, must pass through her own growing pains but with humility, not hubris.
If the confrontation has stirred discomfort, then perhaps it has done the nation some good. It forces a conversation long overdue: Who truly owns the state — the citizen or the powerful? Can we build a Nigeria where institutions, not individuals, define our destiny?
As the dust settles, both the FCTA and the military hierarchy must conduct impartial investigations. The truth must be established — not to shame anyone, but to restore order. Where laws were broken, consequences must follow. Where misunderstandings occurred, apologies must be offered.
Let the rule of law triumph over the rule of impulse. Let civility triumph over confrontation. Let governance return to the path of dialogue and procedure.
Nigeria cannot continue to oscillate between civilian bravado and military arrogance. Both impulses spring from the same insecurity — the fear of losing control. True leadership lies in the ability to trust institutions to do their work without coercion.
Those who witnessed the clash saw a drama of two gladiators. One in starched khaki, one in well-cut suit. Both proud, both unyielding. But a nation cannot be built on stubbornness; it must be built on understanding. Power, when it meets power, should produce order, not chaos.
We must resist the temptation to glorify temper. Governance is not warfare; it is stewardship. The citizen watches, the world observes, and history records. How we handle moments like this will define our collective maturity.
The confrontation may have ended without violence, but it left deep questions in the national conscience. When men of authority quarrel in the open, institutions tremble. The people, once again, become spectators in a theatre of misplaced pride.
It is time for all who hold office — civilian or military — to remember that they serve under the same flag. That flag is neither khaki nor political colour; it is green-white-green, and it demands humility.
No victor, no vanquish only a lesson for a nation still learning to govern itself with dignity.
By; King Onunwor
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