Women
When Intimacy Is All You Need
Relationship goes through different stages before it results into an intimate one. Intimacy, as the name implies, has to do with deep connection. At this point, you can say the two people involved are in love.
For intimacy to be established, you must take your relationship through three stages.
The first stage is introduction. At the introductory stage, the both parties get to know each other for the first time, they get to know their names if they are formally meeting for the very first time, who they are and where they reside. They exchange contacts, as well as get to know what each other does for a living.
I happened to interview six guys randomly on the streets of Port Harcourt on what their experiences were in starting up a relationship with their partners, their response was, “first you ‘Chyke the girl”. This means you first introduce yourself to the girl. This depicts the fact that most relationships start with introduction. Rather than jumping the gun, first things should go first.
The next stage involves mingling and tingling. At this stage, both parties thrive to get fond of each other, sometimes the guy goes out of his way to impress the girl by taking her to movies, eateries, amusement parks etc. Most bad girls do take advantage of such times, feeling it’s the best time to eat anything they like at the expense of the guy.
Meanwhile, the supposed essence of this stage is to get to know each other better; his likes and dislikes, her likes and dislikes. Sometimes they get to tell each other about their families, parents and siblings.
This is a critical stage in building a relationship into intimacy. Most guys use this stage to study and judge a girl’s appetite for food, lust for flashy things and taste for excessive spending.
A typical example is the case of Jude who was in search of a serious relationship. He had to end his relationship at this stage because the girl he was about to go into a relationship with didn’t know how to control her appetite, she ate everything she saw. Jude said whenever they went out, she always ordered for the most expensive items on the menu. He really wasn’t that type of an excessive spender but a meticulous budgeting type of guy. He had no choice but to terminate the relationship at this stage.
Bonding happens to be the final. At the stage of bonding, the partners are already used to each other, there is less trying to impress each other, rather they are now fond of each other. They both desire each other’s company, this mostly involves less outing and more home visit and privacies. They both take turns on inviting each other home. In a typical African relationship, the girl is often given the responsibility of preparing the meals at either of the both parties’ house. This props up some emotional and sexual feelings, a strong connection between each other, the term ‘just friends’ now gives way and an intimate relationship begins.
If any relationship goes through these three stages and survives, then you know the both parties involved are meant for each other.
Some relationships crash at the first stage, some at the second, while others manage to get to the third stage and the fear syndrome steps in, they start feeling scared, start asking questions like: should I do this?, is this real?, won’t he/she dump me later for someone else?, is he or she the right person? etc.
Chisom, who is a banker said when her guy started to invite her over to his house, she became scared, she kept asking herself, “what is really happening between I and Kola?” Kola was her date, she kept feeling Kola’s proclamation of love to her wasn’t genuine, even when Kola went all the way to introduce her to his friends and family, she was still skeptical of advancing to the bonding stage. This took her a couple of months to trust and fully give herself into the relationship but thanks to Kola who remained steadfast, patient and committed to the relationship. She overcame this fear gradually with frequent visit and Kola’s patience in not rushing her into anything intimate paid off. Today, they are married with two lovely kids.
It is always good to indentify the stage your relationship is and know what to expect at every stage. Don’t take advantage of your partner, always have an open heart, past relationships only teach lessons but should not cloud your judgement on your present relationship.
I believe with time, we would handle the different challenges of all three stages and how to overcome them, for the mean time keep living, keep loving and keep having fun.
Azodoh, a freelance journalist, resides in Port Harcourt.
Chinasa Azodoh
IVY-K Fashion by Igiebor Daddy Lucky, a Nigerian-born designer now based in the UK, has launched the latest menswear line, Dapper Man.
One of the collection’s strengths is its classic, clean aesthetic. Dapper Man delivers sharp, structured suits in a timeless black and white color scheme that exudes a sense of luxury and professionalism. The use of high-quality fabrics like wool and silk ensures that the suits not only look high-end but also feel luxurious to the wearer. The designer’s focus on detail is evident in the meticulous tailoring, with fitted blazers and crisp trousers forming the foundation of the collection.
Where IVY-K Fashion shines is in the subtle yet elegant touches. The inclusion of beads as embellishments on lapels and cuffs adds a unique flair, blending traditional craft with modern tailoring. This nod to African heritage gives the collection a distinct identity, offering something more personal and culturally significant than your standard menswear line.
However, despite the elegance of the Dapper Man collection, there is a lingering sense of missed opportunity. The black-and-white color palette, while classic, feels overly safe. In a fashion landscape where bold colors and daring patterns often make the strongest impact, the collection could benefit from incorporating more vibrant hues or experimenting with unconventional fabrics. Pushing the envelope with color or texture could elevate these designs from simply elegant to truly memorable.
In addition, while the tailoring of the blazers and trousers is immaculate, the collection lacks a sense of playfulness or modern edge that many contemporary menswear lines are embracing. The suits are undoubtedly stylish, but the collection as a whole leans heavily on tradition. Experimenting with asymmetrical cuts, bold patterns, or even layering could add an exciting dimension to Dapper Man. The challenge is to maintain the sleek sophistication of the collection while infusing it with a fresh, innovative spirit.
Another area that could use improvement is the overall cohesion of the collection. While the suits are well-crafted, there is a feeling of repetition across the pieces. More variation in design, such as different lapel styles, pocket configurations, or even bolder accessories, would give the collection greater diversity and visual interest.
In conclusion, Dapper Man by Igiebor Daddy Lucky showcases the designer’s strong grasp of classic tailoring and elegant design, but to truly capture the attention of a broader audience, IVY-K Fashion would benefit from more daring choices. By infusing the collection with bold colors, unexpected textures, and a more modern edge, Dapper Man could move from a well-crafted line to a trendsetting force in men’s fashion. With such a solid foundation, there’s no doubt that Igiebor Daddy Lucky has the potential to lead his brand toward greater heights
The trend of indecent dressing all in the name of fashion is fast becoming a norm in our generation and society at large. Most married women embrace this fashion as competition with single ladies.
Different scholars have given an in depth insight about dressing as a tool of communication. Non-verbal communication has been asserted as the communication between people by the means of signs or symbols. It conveys what we wish to disseminate to the public as either intentionally or not.
According to Paul Ekman and Michael Argyle, communication is carried out through what has been classified as “Presentational Code”. He listed nine codes of non-verbal communication, as body contact, facial expression, gestures, postures, eye movement, proximity, orientation, head nods and appearance.
This, being stated, married and single ladies should understand that their mode of dressing is communicative be it directly or indirectly as such body parts we call “private” are now being made public because of the trends or wearing of transparent dresses and this in turn calls on the attention of men who are weak and prone to illicit thoughts thus, resulting to most rape cases in our society.
This indecent dressing by most ladies has denied many their future husbands. The truth is that a man is attracted to his kind; his desires in marriage. It is often asserted that decency and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder, yet, in trending times of this 21st century, dress code and fashion in nudity form is gaining popularity.
This has become complicated as most men tend to toggle between their emotions (lust) and sanity (rationality) in terms of marriage, thereby setting a wrong foundation upon which most marriages are consummated.
On the other hand, most married women have embraced the trend of indecent dressing nipping it on the state of it being the choice dressing, approved by their spouses, leaving society with the question of what “responsible” man would prefer that the secrecy of the benefit of his marital vow has become the centre of attraction and viewership by the general public.
Hence, communicating with their dressing gas given licence to every male gender who is interested or attracted to what they see to make unsolicited sexual passes at them, which might be considered embarrassing.
At this juncture, it is important to state that ladies should dress decently knowing that they are the epitome of nation-building, they are nation-builders, character moulders and pacesetters not just in the lives of their families but to the society at large.
In most occasions, there are no clear border lines between the married women and the single ladies because of the rate of scanty dressing which has close the gap of differences.
Women and girls should embrace this call awakening to decent mode of dressing. Dresses that are meant to be worn indoors should remain indoors.
It is worrisome to see ladies wear shorts that are supposed to be worn in the living room on the streets without shame. This is an awakening call to our ladies, married and singles that the opposite sex do not expose their private body parts for the public. Sometimes, the ladies go about in the streets without wearing brazziers as to showcase their nipples.
The society should be sanitised of the menace of indecent dressing that is lurking and taking over the entire nooks and crannies of the society and the nation at large.
Let it be known that he or she is addressed in the manner he or she is dressed. There may be no room for a second impression. To the single ladies, your dressing decently will not stop you from meeting your Mr Right rather, it will increase your stake and place you on the list of most valued women in the society.
Dressing speaks louder than words.
Kate Chisom Isiocha
Isiocha is an OND final year student of Temple Gate Polytechnic.
