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FIDA: All You Need To Know About Sexual Molestation

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Rape is defined as the forceful penetration of the vagina, mouth, anus, or any other part of the body with the intention of having sexual satisfaction.
The part of the body can be penetrated with the penis, finger or other object.Rape simply put is the use of force upon a person against his or her will ( consent)  to have carnal knowledge or sex with that person.
When a person under the age of 14 years old is forced into sexual act it is called Defilement. When it happens to  persons of14 years and above it is called Rape.
 In a family setting, that is where it occurs between father and child,  mother and child,  brother and sister, it is called INCEST.
From the definition of rape,  it is very clear that it is not only girls that can be raped.  Boys too can be raped.
Also the issue of Consent is very fundamental to establish a case of rape against a person.
Penetration through the anus or mouth with any part of the body is rape.
There are categories of, persons that cannot be affected when considering the issue of consent. A child – A child is anyone under the age of 18 years old or a person of unsound mind.
For consent to be considered, one must show first that the person posessess the capacity to say Yes or No. The mental alertness to choose what he or she wants at a particular time. One must show that consent was obtained freely devoid of any form of intimidation, threat or duress,  subjection ( influence of drugs or alcohol).
Also note that consent can be withdrawn at any time.  This means anything that happens after consent is withdrawn for those capable of giving consent is rape/ assault.
Who can be a victim:
Eventually, everybody can be a victim of rape or sexual assault.  However statistics show that more girls/women are raped than boys/men.
Who are the abusers/ perpetrators.
An abuser can be a father,  mother,  uncle,  teacher, driver,  pastor,  strangers,  security guards… The list is endless.
The truth is that rape is an act of force against a person’s will. Going by our definition we can agree that there is spousal rape. Our laws are a bit silent on it mainly because of cultural belief that the woman belongs to the man.
Abusers are mostly not strangers but persons known to the victim or family or even in the neighborhood. These abusers most times lure their victims with gifts and unsolicited favours and gradually establish a close relationship with them. At this point they strike.
If she is an adult she has the right to say NO. If you promise to buy a car for someone and the person agrees to have sex,  that person must show he or she was not forced. The act itself was given freely. The failure to fulfill promise is another case.
Abusers can also threaten their victims not to speak up. By telling them they will die or members of their families will die.
Where can it happen?
Anywhere. In the home, school, church etc
What to do – Family
the family owes the child a greater duty of care and protection. We should teach our children right from the home before they step out.Teach them sex education early in life. Teach them to respect their body by keeping the privates private( this should start from the home.  The girls and boys should know their private parts and protect it against everyone including family members)
There should be no secrets from Dad and Mum. Do not take naked pictures and no one should take them pictures while naked.
Tell them their NO should be there NO.
Teach  them that a body touch can tickle or make you feel good but is not RIGHT because is not yet Time.
Tach them to know a good, bad and secret touch.
Teach them to report every attempt and actual violence. Reporting an attempt can protect children from  an actual act.
The Government should ensure that law enforcement agencies are trained and equipped to handle cases of sexual assault. There should  be legislations to checkmate these crimes
 We have legislations already in place.
1999 Constitution (as amended) /section 34 provides for our fundamental rights
We have the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act ( VAPP)  2015. this has been passed into Law by Rivers State House of Assembly but is still awaiting Governor’s  assent
 This particular piece of legislation is very encompassing. It provides a form of compensation for victims/ survivors of rape. It has also removed the issue of limitations on when you can bring an action for rape. With the  VAPP law in place you can sue for rape at any time.
 We also have Child Rights Law and Criminal code.: It is our collective responsibility to protect our chlidren at this time.
Effects of Rape
It affects the person’s  personal dignity and safety. There is always a feeling of guilt
Depression, stigma ( we all must support survivors in this area), low self esteem, Fear
Recommendations
Ensure that all cases are reported and followed up.
Be close to your children and listen to them.
Don’t be an absentee parent.
Make efforts to know their friends and where the go to or who visits them.
Discourage them from receiving gifts easily from people
Also remember that the punishment for rape is life imprisonment, so we must all ensure that perpetrators are prosecuted and put away for life.
International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) Nigeria. Rivers State Branch.
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Children And Basics Of Family

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It is the idea of God that family should exit. Children form part of the family. God loves family so much that Jesus was born into the family of Joseph.
Everyone’s family is good and important. Children should not look down on their family whether they are rich or poor.
Children should respect and honour their family and foster love among their siblings. They should work together and make peace in the family. They should always stand in the gap. It is good for family members to carry all along since everyone may not be doing well.
The Christianity that children learn is practised in family. Faith-based organisations do a great job in moulding children’s character. Those are the behaviours that children exhibit towards siblings in family.
Every child born in a family is there for a purpose. A baby born into a family is supplying something. It may be joy, wealth and so on. Everyone is important in a family.
Adolescents who have graduated from school but may not be contributing financially can do one or two things at home. You can engage in preparing meals at home while parents are away for a job or business. Contributing in house chores will go a long way to relieve parents of stress after a day’s job.
What do you contribute to your family, especially during holidays both in nuclear and extended family?
The family you were born is constant but friends are temporary. You can decide not to continue in friendship but you cannot cut off your family. No matter how bad you think your family is and you decide to leave home, you must surely return. Your friends can harbour you for a while.
The child’s first identity comes from the family. What the child learns first comes from the family.
Family is the centre of love and care. People have started playing down on marriage because of neglect on basics of family. Marriage starts today and and the next few months, it is threatened. Respect for family plays a crucial role in marriage.
No child grows without parental control and influence. If a child refuses to grow without taking instructions from parents, he may grow up being wild. There are consequences when children do not obey their parents. There are those who want to be rebellious against their parents. They should know that their length of days are tied to their parents.
Your bioligical parents know you more than every other person. There is the wisdom and knowledge your parents have that you do not so it is proper to listen to them before choosing carriers both in academics and job. A young man or woman can choose who to get married to, but a greater role in the choice of who to marry and the marriage proper comes from the parents.
They know what is best for you. No matter how modern trends will influence you and prove it wrong, parent is the key. No one can love you more than your parents because they are your blood.
A lot of parents have been traumatised due to the fact that children they nurtured and trained turned their back on them at older age. Children should not abandon their parents for any reason.
As you grow up, situations may arise in marriage when you decide it is over with your spouse, but no matter the level of provocation with your parents, they will not despise you. Parents will also play a role in that regard. Problem arises in every family but how it is handled matters a lot.
Some children honour their mentors more than their parents. Although there are parents who shy away from their responsibilities. It is important that parents take full responsibility of their children. You cannot bring a child to the planet earth and refuse to perform roles as a parent. But parents may not quantify what they spent from childhood to adolescence. That is a blessing children cannot get from another person.
There are people who have attributed their failure in life to the fact that their parents, especially mothers are witchcraft. It is wrong to feel that your mother is instrumental to your failure in life. The only way to success is hardwork.
Let money not determine the level of love for your parents. Wherever a child goes, family is constant.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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Who Should Name A Child?

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Naturally, when a child is born, it is the role of the father and mother to decide a suitable name for the child. The husband and wife normally discuss and suggest the English or vernacular name of the baby.
But sometimes, when a baby comes into a family, grandparents hearts are usually filled with joy to the extent that they want to answer present, by giving their own names not minding the fact that the biological parents have given theirs.
This happens mostly when the marriage is an inter-tribal one. It also happens even in intra-tribal marriage. Grandparents want equal representation as far as naming a child is concerned. They also have special names as a result of circumstances surrounding the birth of the child.
This is still happening till date.
A lot of people have viewed this in different ways but there is nothing wrong about it. The most important thing is that the child bears as many names as he or she can. But one thing is certain, the child must bear one name in school.
Should circumstance determine a child’s name?
Women who are more emotional are always eager to name their children considering the circumstances surrounding the child’s conception and arrival.
The issue of grandparents naming a child comes up mostly when it is the first of the family.
In naming children by some parents in the olden days, they named their children according to the days in the week in which they were born, like Sunday, Monday, Friday and so on.
You may be shocked to hear that whether a child is given 10 names by parents or grandparents, when he or she grows up, will decide to change. There are several cases where some persons decided to change especially when they feel that the names given by their parents and grandparents do not give them joy. If they are not doing well in life, they may claim that their misfortune is caused by the name their parents.

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Children’s Performance Can Make Or Mar Them

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Competition among children in schools be it primary, (kindergarten) and secondary come in different forms. It can be Mathematics , debate, quiz, spelling bee,competition, from organisations like Cowbell, multi-national companies, faith-based organisations among others.
They are organised mostly for selected intelligent ones, the best among their peers to represent a class, school or group. Prizes are normally set aside for the best as well as consolation prizes for runners-up at the end of each session.
The question is, are children willing to accept defeat when they fail? As parents, guardians, can you encourage your children or wards to accept defeat instead of shouting and comparing them with others who may be performing better either in schools or outside.
Some parents may be blaming their children for not doing well in competitions. They will like to tell their children if others who may perform better have ten heads. Those group of parents blame their children for every failure.
For your children to do better in competition, the parents too must have emotional intelligence. When you continue to blame your children for failure, how intelligent are you?
Some parents always want their children to be in the 1st position and unhappy whenever they secure 2nd position. There were instances where children smashed their trophies because they never got the position they wanted to get and their parents supported them.
Children should be able to accept it whether they win or not. They should be encouraged for every performance. Discourage the issue of “shame, shame, shame, shame”.
A parent says she always tells her children to win even if they will fail. Always give them the mentality that they can win. Children should be given the impression that they can win prizes and laurels in every competition.
Parents should not isolate their children from others in the neighbourhood. Allow them to play with others. Don’t threaten your children that you may not pay their schools fees if they fail. Comparing them with others may encourage or discourage them.
Coming first or getting award as a first class student from the university sometimes does not mean that the person is the best. And if the child does not merit any award in the lower classes, does not mean that he can not merit first class also.
It should be noted that coming first in academic competition may not really mean that the competitor will be the best at work place or business.
Accepting defeat is a way to move higher. Even if a child who competed with others did not come first, there are consolation prizes for runners-up. When you advise the child to accept defeat, you are encouraging her to win in next competition.
Remember all children cannot be on the same knowledge level Their learning abilities defer.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

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