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Coping With Difficult Mothers-In-Law

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It is no longer strange hearing young single females declare in strong terms their dislike for mothers-in-law. Some had gone the extra mile to wish themselves the choice of motherless suitors.

Hence, potential suitors of these ones have to contend with the problem of either waiting for their mothers to die before they get their wives or hastening the death of their mothers, if they must marry such ladies.

Why on earth any sane lady would wish to be married to a motherless husband as a criterion for a happy marriage is yet to be established.

On the contrary, almost every mother wants to have grand children. This by implication means that mothers wish that their offsprings get married and raise grand children for them.

Will it therefore be  fair to conclude that these mothers are just concerned about the children that would be raised and careless about the women through whom these children are to be raised?

If no, what then could account for the much ado about mothers-in-law?

Of late, divergent opinions give credence or rather evoke condemnations to the roles often played by most mothers-in-law.

In one home, the presence and words of a mother evoke some degree of honour and reverence and the daughters-in-law have no option than to align themselves to the already existing structure before their adoption as members.

In another, the reverse is the case, the mother-in-law’s presence is considered a nuisance that must not be tolerated if the family must forge ahead, a situation that leaves the sons (husbands) confused with little or no clue on how to solve the puzzle.

Researchers on marital issues have hinged the reasons for these variation in the concept of mother-in-lawship on individual differences, family background and clash of interest.

Mrs Nzokurum Mercy in her book: Marital Bliss: Actors and Factors (2010) writes that the woman by her nature is very jealous and possessive. When married, she wants to dominate her environment, possess her husband to herself, undermining the fact that her husband once enjoyed the care, love and protection of his family before her arrival.

According to Mercy, the mother-in-law who had dominated in her early years of marriage, struggles with much difficulty to understand and perhaps justify if possible why a “strange girl” (daughter-in-law) would come and change the atmosphere  cases she had her son to her back and call.

This conflict of interest has caused men who are not emotionally, spiritually and physically mature to have friction with their parents, siblings nad even spouse.

For Majorie in Family Education, the regular and constant  interference of her mother-in-law in her daily activities is unwanted and speaks volume of her (mother-in-law’s) lack of confidence in her (daughter-in-law) to take decision as an adult. “I can’t do anything without my mother-in-law second-guessing me, she sees me wearing a pink dress and tells me I would look thinner in black. I put a sweater on my son and she insists he needs his winter coat. If I cook with butter, she gives me a lecture about cholesterol. She is always telling me what to do. I’m nearly 40 years old and she treats me like I’m a child.” Majorie said.

Most young wives are obviously of the opinion that their mothers-in-law offer unsolicited advice on any and all cases including issues she is bereft of any experience, hence, they brand such “the know-it-all” mother-in-law. The feeling that they don’t respect the laws of time and space increases their dislike for them.

Aside the fact that a daughter-in-law could be a product of an entirely different family background from that of her husband’s, which is capable of stirring up some form of misunderstanding which only time and maturity can settle, individual differences has also been fingered as a major cause of mother-daughter-in-law dichotomy, as  no two persons perceive things the same way.

However, where these two factors are easily managed, clash of interest had remained a major source of worry. The mother feels “He is my child, I made him what he is, hence I earn his loyalty while my control over him will know no limit”.

For the daughters-in-law “mum has had enough. It is time to handover and step aside for them to occupy”. Privacy is now needed and mum constitutes a third party which ofcourse may not be welcomed. What a tussle for supremacy and relevance?

My worry is that the mother-in-law of today was a daughter-in-law of yesterday, an experience that fully arms her with both the requirements of a daughtes-in-law and those of a mother-in-law with a view to achieving harmony in relationship could it now be said that their effort at trying to relate fine with their daughters-in-law had not yielded the desired result instead they are being misconstrued by those who should enjoy their overwhelming favour?

Mothers-in-law are accused of being highly assertive, refusing to recognise their sons and wives as a distinct entity from them. Some others are alleged to show love only to their sons while seeing their sons’ wives as rivals whose activities and successes must be checkmated at all times.

Daniel .J.  Tomasulo writes in How to deal with Passive aggressive Mothers-in-law . “My relationship with my mothers-in-law is dragging me down. She routinely criticizes, slights and insults me. This is usually done in a sly enough manner that makes it hard to challenge her behaviour directly without feeling as though I’m over reacting …… I think she is jealous of no longer being the most important woman in her son’s life”.

The need to know why a mother-in-law acts the way she does will go a long way to instillsanity in a relationship.

However, while it is obvious that these mothers-in-law do not always know better than their daughters-in-law, in more instances than we might want to admit, their advice is solid, afterall they have had years of experience coping with the problems that face newly weds, settling financial matters, furnishing a home, allocating responsibilities fairly, applying heart to food. In addition they have often dealt with problems of marriage veterans; being the second wife, dealing with step-children and balancing a career and marriage.

Amidst the so-called ‘unsolicited’ advices, criticisms and probably “unnecessary” interference with family structure, same can still be discouraged without having a big confrontation. It is important to always strive to strike a compromise and this can be possible only when you bare your mind, regard and respect her as the queen of your Lord (husband) appreciate her numerous years ahead of you then tolerate her ignorance and accommodate your differences.

 

Sylvia ThankGod –Amadi

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Women

Cooking And Its Importance To Women

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Cooking is the process of preparing food by using heat. It involves a variety of techniques and methods, such as grilling, baking, boiling, frying, and steaming. Cooking also requires ingredients, utensils, and appliances to create delicious and nutritious meals. Cooking is for all irrespective of sex.
It may interest you to know that there are many benefits to cooking at home, including the ability to control the ingredients and portion sizes, save money, and customize dishes to suit individual tastes and dietary restrictions. Cooking also allows for creativity and experimentation in the kitchen, as well as the opportunity to share meals with family and friends.
When you cook, it enables you to know the right ingredients to use for a particular meal. Getting prepared food outside home will not give such opportunity and in fact it is cheaper.
For you to carry out cooking successfully, prepping ingredients ahead of time, is very important. Using the right tools and equipment, adjusting cooking times and temperatures as needed will make one a good cook and tasting and seasoning dishes to ensure they are well-balanced. A good cook should be able to taste and add adequate seasoning to ensure that dishes are consumed without stomach crams.
Cooking can be a fun and rewarding activity, whether you are a novice or experienced chef. It can also be a form of self-care and a way to explore different cuisines and flavors from around the world. Overall, cooking is an essential skill that can help you eat healthier, save money, and enjoy delicious meals at home.
Good chefs earn a living through cooking. Good ones who are opportuned to work in big hotels and smaller eateries make huge sums of money as well as earn free meal at work.
According to experts, cooking involves a wide range of techniques that can be mastered through practice and experience. Some common culinary techniques include sautéing, searing, braising, roasting, marinating, poaching, and blanching. Each technique contributes to the flavor, texture, and appearance of the final dish.
In addition, understanding how different ingredients work together to create a balanced flavor profile is key to successful cooking. This includes experimenting with sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami flavors and learning how to add these flavors in a dish to create depth and complexity. The right ingredients work together to give the right aroma and taste a good cook deserves.
Furthermore, exploring the diverse culinary traditions from around the world can open up a world of new flavors and cooking techniques. Trying out recipes from different cultures can help you broaden your culinary horizons and develop a deeper appreciation for global cuisine.
You may discover that different cultures believe in their own food and meals. Someone from the Eastern part of the country may not be comfortable with the kind of food or meal prepared and consumed in the northern part of the country.
Interestingly, gas cookers are in vogue because they cook faster especially in families with the presence of kids. Having the right tools and equipment in the kitchen can make a big difference in your cooking. From basic essentials like knives, cutting boards, pots and pans to specialized appliances like blenders, food processors, and slow cookers, having the right equipment can help you cook more efficiently and effectively.
In this 21st century, a lot of innovations have actually come into the practice of cooking. The use of wood and stove are gradually going down especially in the urban centres.
Planning your meals ahead of time can save you time, money, and stress in the kitchen. Meal planning involves selecting recipes, creating a shopping list, and preparing ingredients in advance to streamline the cooking process. This can help you eat healthier, reduce food waste, and make the most of your time in the kitchen.
A lot of families plan their meals so as to minimize waste, especially now because of high cost of living.
The safety of the food to be consumed in a home should be the concern of every good cook. Practicing proper food safety and hygiene is essential in cooking to prevent foodborne illnesses. This includes washing hands, utensils, and surfaces regularly, storing food at the correct temperatures, and avoiding cross-contamination between raw and cooked foods.
A cook should ensure that ingredients for a particular meal are properly washed. Food stuffs must be properly preserved if they are not to be used immediately. When it comes to refrigeration, experts should be contacted for proper advise on how long they should be kept.
Some persons due to health challenges are placed on special diets. Medically, some persons are advised to consume food with low salt intake as well as sugar. It is important that a good cook adheres to those instructions. If you or your loved ones have dietary restrictions or preferences, learning how to cook for special diets can be a valuable skill. This may involve accommodating allergies, intolerances, or lifestyle choices such as vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, or low-carb diets.
Moreso, cooking at home allows you to have better control over the ingredients used in your meals, leading to healthier eating habits. By cooking from scratch, you can avoid processed and unhealthy ingredients, reduce the amount of added sugars and preservatives, and increase your intake of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
Meals prepared at home obviously may not taste as the one consumed from outside. The food got outside may contain excess spices more than meals prepared at home.
Cooking is deeply intertwined with culture and tradition, and exploring different cuisines can be a great way to learn about different countries and regions. Trying out recipes from various cultures can expand your culinary skills and palate, introducing you to new ingredients, flavors, and cooking techniques.
As peoples culture differs that is how the kind of food they consume also differ. When a chef finds himself or herself in a particular region, it is better to learn the kind of food that is being consumed.
When you talk about cooking, the meal prepared for an adult definitely differs from that of a baby. Excess pepper in meal may not be good for infants.
The use of mutter and pestle is gradually phasing out with the innovation of electrical appliances such as blenders. A good cook should be able to train herself on the usage of such kitchen equipment.
With the use of microwave oven has come to stay as hotels (eateries) and homes use them thereby saving the use of kerosine in stoves and gas.
Odoo-e Precious is a student of Pan African Institute of Management and Technology, Port Harcourt.

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Women

The Transformative Power Of The Girl Child

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In today’s rapidly evolving world, the role of the girl child has become increasingly crucial to the growth and development of society. For far too long, girls have been held back by traditional gender roles and societal expectations, but today, their contributions are more vital than ever. When given the right opportunities, girls can help shape not only their own future but also the future of their families, communities, and the world. To truly understand the impact girls can have, we need to examine their roles in education, the economy, social change, and health. Education is the key to unlocking a girl’s full potential. When a girl is given access to quality education, it opens doors to a brighter future for her and her family. Educating girls doesn’t just benefit them personally; it also helps create stronger communities and societies.
An educated girl is more likely to delay marriage, avoid early pregnancy, and pursue a career or further education. Studies have shown that educated women earn more money and reinvest it in their families, which improves their children’s health, education, and well-being. Educated girls are also more likely to break out of cycles of poverty, creating long-term positive changes in society.However, in many parts of the world, girls still face barriers to education, such as cultural norms, early marriage, and gender-based violence. These challenges are particularly common in rural areas where girls are seen more as future homemakers than future leaders. It is essential that governments and communities work together to remove these obstacles and ensure that every girl has the chance to go to school.
Beyond education, girls can also contribute economically, unlocking their potential to drive growth and development. Once a girl is empowered, she becomes a key player in the economy. When girls are given the chance to work and contribute, they can drive economic growth in both their local communities and countries. Girls can participate in all parts of the economy, from agriculture to technology, healthcare to business. In many countries, women already make up a large portion of the workforce, but their contributions are often overlooked. Research shows that when girls and women are given equal opportunities to work, the entire economy grows. Closing the gender gap in the workforce could add trillions of dollars to the global economy. For society to prosper, girls need to be able to pursue careers, start businesses, and contribute to their communities.
Girls are also playing a vital role in social and cultural change. They are not just passive participants in society but active agents of change who challenge outdated traditions and fight for equality. Today’s girls are using their voices to raise awareness about social issues like climate change, human rights, and gender equality. They are leading movements that are transforming the way people think about the world. A great example is Greta Thunberg, a young climate activist who has inspired millions worldwide to take action on climate change. By encouraging girls to become leaders and advocates, society can benefit from new perspectives and solutions to important problems. Girls tend to see issues from fresh angles and are more likely to question harmful norms, leading to a more just and progressive world.The health and well-being of a girl are crucial to her future success and the success of society.
Girls who grow up in healthy environments, with access to proper nutrition, healthcare, and emotional support, are more likely to succeed. Unfortunately, many girls face serious health risks, including early marriage, early pregnancy, and violence, which limit their opportunities. Early marriage, for example, is a major problem that prevents many girls from completing their education and living healthy, productive lives. Married girls often face health risks, drop out of school, and have fewer opportunities. To address this, societies need to change attitudes around child marriage and give girls the support they need to stay in school and delay marriage. Access to healthcare is also vital. Girls need access to proper health services, including reproductive health education, so they can stay healthy and live fulfilling lives. When girls are healthy, they grow up to become strong, capable women who can contribute to society and raise healthy families.
Breaking down barriers can lead to equal opportunities for all girls. The biggest obstacle to realising the potential of girls is gender inequality. To truly empower girls, societies must tackle the barriers that hold them back, such as discrimination, gender-based violence, and lack of access to education and resources. Governments and organisations must work together to create policies that ensure girls have equal opportunities. This includes making laws that prevent child marriage, protect girls from violence, and guarantee access to education and healthcare. Community awareness is also important. We need to challenge stereotypes and harmful traditions that limit girls’ potential. Education and awareness campaigns can help people understand the importance of gender equality and the benefits it brings to everyone. The girl child is not just the future of society; she is a powerful force in the present. Today, girls are making a difference as leaders,

Ihedinihu  is a student of Pan African Institute of Management and Technology.

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Women

Nigeria Deserves Stylish, Sophisticated Designs-Igiebor Daddy Lucky

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IVY-K Fashion by Igiebor Daddy Lucky, a Nigerian-born designer now based in the UK, has launched the latest menswear line, Dapper Man.
One of the collection’s strengths is its classic, clean aesthetic. Dapper Man delivers sharp, structured suits in a timeless black and white color scheme that exudes a sense of luxury and professionalism. The use of high-quality fabrics like wool and silk ensures that the suits not only look high-end but also feel luxurious to the wearer. The designer’s focus on detail is evident in the meticulous tailoring, with fitted blazers and crisp trousers forming the foundation of the collection.
Where IVY-K Fashion shines is in the subtle yet elegant touches. The inclusion of beads as embellishments on lapels and cuffs adds a unique flair, blending traditional craft with modern tailoring. This nod to African heritage gives the collection a distinct identity, offering something more personal and culturally significant than your standard menswear line.
However, despite the elegance of the Dapper Man collection, there is a lingering sense of missed opportunity. The black-and-white color palette, while classic, feels overly safe. In a fashion landscape where bold colors and daring patterns often make the strongest impact, the collection could benefit from incorporating more vibrant hues or experimenting with unconventional fabrics. Pushing the envelope with color or texture could elevate these designs from simply elegant to truly memorable.
In addition, while the tailoring of the blazers and trousers is immaculate, the collection lacks a sense of playfulness or modern edge that many contemporary menswear lines are embracing. The suits are undoubtedly stylish, but the collection as a whole leans heavily on tradition. Experimenting with asymmetrical cuts, bold patterns, or even layering could add an exciting dimension to Dapper Man. The challenge is to maintain the sleek sophistication of the collection while infusing it with a fresh, innovative spirit.
Another area that could use improvement is the overall cohesion of the collection. While the suits are well-crafted, there is a feeling of repetition across the pieces. More variation in design, such as different lapel styles, pocket configurations, or even bolder accessories, would give the collection greater diversity and visual interest.
In conclusion, Dapper Man by Igiebor Daddy Lucky showcases the designer’s strong grasp of classic tailoring and elegant design, but to truly capture the attention of a broader audience, IVY-K Fashion would benefit from more daring choices. By infusing the collection with bold colors, unexpected textures, and a more modern edge, Dapper Man could move from a well-crafted line to a trendsetting force in men’s fashion. With such a solid foundation, there’s no doubt that Igiebor Daddy Lucky has the potential to lead his brand toward greater heights

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