Women
Between Marriage And Happiness
So much has been said
about the relationship between marriage and happiness: some view it as the beginning of happiness for every responsible person, while others see it as one form of enslavement or the other.
This, perhaps, explains the reason why while some are stepping out of it almost by the day, others would do anything to “get hooked up together”, as they fashionably put it these days, even if it is just for a short while.
No matter how one looks at it, marriage is originally supposed to be a traditional union hinged on happiness. The Bible, the holy book for Christians also acknowledges this when it say, he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing”.
The “good thing” here implies that couples are expected to bring about happiness to each other. Reality has however made it such that marriage often does not amount to happiness.
A critical analysis of the word “findeth” reveals that the holy book actually expects one to search for his or her spouse in order to find him or’ her. But developments, or realities, have shown that the mode of search applied by various individuals, their mindset at the point of the search, their temperament, and other factors have been the problem in either finding the spouse, or the happiness accruable therein.
In spite of these obvious impediments to finding a spouse, and, expectedly, happiness, it is now common knowledge that realities of life” society, orientation, and the like, have separated finding a spouse and automatically finding happiness.
The result is either extra-ordinary happiness in marriages that often becomes the envy of people around, who may, for whatever reason worked assiduously for its success or failure, as well as extra-ordinary unhappiness in marriages as a result of sudden realisation of incompatibility. Each of these scenarios has its appendages that may be too broad to discuss within available space:
The essential thing to note is that as a result of the fore-going realities, four key types of people are easily identifiable in matters relating to marriage: those who are happily married; those who are unhappily married; those who are unhappily unmarried, and those who are happily unmarried.
Depending on the side it would take a’ lot of confidence, self-determination and willingness to openly accept the part one fits into, especially if one finds it difficult to accept ones’ realities (if not openly, personally) and work towards resolving it without laying the blame on his/her spouse.
For those who are happily married, they often do not appreciate what they have until they have cause to complain about a perceived ill-treatment, carelessness, lack of understanding, etc, on the part of their spouse to a true friend or relative.
Experience has shown that it’s only a true friend or relative, with requisite knowledge and willingness, that can look at you eye-ball- to-eye-ball and tell you things straight, whether you are right or . wrong.
If you are unfortunate to complain to the wrong person, it could be the beginning of the end of the marriage, or courtship, for that matter. This is simply because not everybody believes that a couple could have such a relationship that even when there is disagreement, it is viewed strictly as a corrective issue, not an opportunity to make problem.
If they see it that way, it does not only becomes possible to take instant correction and avoid a re-occurrence, but also doing so becomes uppermost in their minds. If they see it from any other perspective, the relationship will in the near future nosedive into separation.
For those who are unhappily married, the simple truth, no matter how you look at it, is that in most cases, something else brought them into the relationship.
There was this marriage that ended in less than six months after the wedding. The only thing that kept it up to over a year was that the woman got pregnant shortly after the wedding.
Investigations revealed that the man got carried away by the fact that the woman had Masters Degree, and could discuss fluently in what he called “well-polished” English. He did not bargain for another fact that being an introvert, that same quality she has could also be too much for him to handle when he is the target, as it turned out.
This does not mean that genuine love cannot turn sour when the beneficiary is the wrong person. The fact that he or she turns out to be the wrong person is, at the end of the day, proofs that the relationship was based on some level of falsehood, usually on the part of the recipient of the genuine love.
In essence, if genuine love is not a two-way thing, if it’s one-way, coming from either only the man or the woman, the relationship may at best be marking its time. But then, there are also situations in which recipients of genuine love at some point suddenly realise it and reciprocate. These are rear cases.
Experience has also shown that most of those who are unhappily unmarried turn out to be sadists. Sometimes not because they want to, but often because they cannot help transferring the aggression.
Unconsciously, they always want to prove to society that they can be better in anything they do.
The worst of them can hardly accept their faults, sometimes because they feel that society is already crucifying them because of their fate, even before giving them opportunity to prove themselves right. The good thing about them is that they can be good in whatever, just to prove themselves.
For those who are happily unmarried, such happiness most often lasts as long as they feel young enough to have their flings. They enjoy the euphoria of basking in the cheap popularity accorded by society, only to realise when it’s too late that the same popularity has become their greatest undoing.
The sincere ones among them accept their fate and take life the way it comes, often consoling themselves by recounting “the good old days” at the least opportunity. The insincere ones, on the other hand, blame everybody but themselves for their’ plight, with a possibility of getting angry at everybody at some point, especially when society judge them to be losers.
Soibi Max-Alalibo
Women at a public function in Port Harcourt. They are pillars in matrimonial homes
IVY-K Fashion by Igiebor Daddy Lucky, a Nigerian-born designer now based in the UK, has launched the latest menswear line, Dapper Man.
One of the collection’s strengths is its classic, clean aesthetic. Dapper Man delivers sharp, structured suits in a timeless black and white color scheme that exudes a sense of luxury and professionalism. The use of high-quality fabrics like wool and silk ensures that the suits not only look high-end but also feel luxurious to the wearer. The designer’s focus on detail is evident in the meticulous tailoring, with fitted blazers and crisp trousers forming the foundation of the collection.
Where IVY-K Fashion shines is in the subtle yet elegant touches. The inclusion of beads as embellishments on lapels and cuffs adds a unique flair, blending traditional craft with modern tailoring. This nod to African heritage gives the collection a distinct identity, offering something more personal and culturally significant than your standard menswear line.
However, despite the elegance of the Dapper Man collection, there is a lingering sense of missed opportunity. The black-and-white color palette, while classic, feels overly safe. In a fashion landscape where bold colors and daring patterns often make the strongest impact, the collection could benefit from incorporating more vibrant hues or experimenting with unconventional fabrics. Pushing the envelope with color or texture could elevate these designs from simply elegant to truly memorable.
In addition, while the tailoring of the blazers and trousers is immaculate, the collection lacks a sense of playfulness or modern edge that many contemporary menswear lines are embracing. The suits are undoubtedly stylish, but the collection as a whole leans heavily on tradition. Experimenting with asymmetrical cuts, bold patterns, or even layering could add an exciting dimension to Dapper Man. The challenge is to maintain the sleek sophistication of the collection while infusing it with a fresh, innovative spirit.
Another area that could use improvement is the overall cohesion of the collection. While the suits are well-crafted, there is a feeling of repetition across the pieces. More variation in design, such as different lapel styles, pocket configurations, or even bolder accessories, would give the collection greater diversity and visual interest.
In conclusion, Dapper Man by Igiebor Daddy Lucky showcases the designer’s strong grasp of classic tailoring and elegant design, but to truly capture the attention of a broader audience, IVY-K Fashion would benefit from more daring choices. By infusing the collection with bold colors, unexpected textures, and a more modern edge, Dapper Man could move from a well-crafted line to a trendsetting force in men’s fashion. With such a solid foundation, there’s no doubt that Igiebor Daddy Lucky has the potential to lead his brand toward greater heights
The trend of indecent dressing all in the name of fashion is fast becoming a norm in our generation and society at large. Most married women embrace this fashion as competition with single ladies.
Different scholars have given an in depth insight about dressing as a tool of communication. Non-verbal communication has been asserted as the communication between people by the means of signs or symbols. It conveys what we wish to disseminate to the public as either intentionally or not.
According to Paul Ekman and Michael Argyle, communication is carried out through what has been classified as “Presentational Code”. He listed nine codes of non-verbal communication, as body contact, facial expression, gestures, postures, eye movement, proximity, orientation, head nods and appearance.
This, being stated, married and single ladies should understand that their mode of dressing is communicative be it directly or indirectly as such body parts we call “private” are now being made public because of the trends or wearing of transparent dresses and this in turn calls on the attention of men who are weak and prone to illicit thoughts thus, resulting to most rape cases in our society.
This indecent dressing by most ladies has denied many their future husbands. The truth is that a man is attracted to his kind; his desires in marriage. It is often asserted that decency and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder, yet, in trending times of this 21st century, dress code and fashion in nudity form is gaining popularity.
This has become complicated as most men tend to toggle between their emotions (lust) and sanity (rationality) in terms of marriage, thereby setting a wrong foundation upon which most marriages are consummated.
On the other hand, most married women have embraced the trend of indecent dressing nipping it on the state of it being the choice dressing, approved by their spouses, leaving society with the question of what “responsible” man would prefer that the secrecy of the benefit of his marital vow has become the centre of attraction and viewership by the general public.
Hence, communicating with their dressing gas given licence to every male gender who is interested or attracted to what they see to make unsolicited sexual passes at them, which might be considered embarrassing.
At this juncture, it is important to state that ladies should dress decently knowing that they are the epitome of nation-building, they are nation-builders, character moulders and pacesetters not just in the lives of their families but to the society at large.
In most occasions, there are no clear border lines between the married women and the single ladies because of the rate of scanty dressing which has close the gap of differences.
Women and girls should embrace this call awakening to decent mode of dressing. Dresses that are meant to be worn indoors should remain indoors.
It is worrisome to see ladies wear shorts that are supposed to be worn in the living room on the streets without shame. This is an awakening call to our ladies, married and singles that the opposite sex do not expose their private body parts for the public. Sometimes, the ladies go about in the streets without wearing brazziers as to showcase their nipples.
The society should be sanitised of the menace of indecent dressing that is lurking and taking over the entire nooks and crannies of the society and the nation at large.
Let it be known that he or she is addressed in the manner he or she is dressed. There may be no room for a second impression. To the single ladies, your dressing decently will not stop you from meeting your Mr Right rather, it will increase your stake and place you on the list of most valued women in the society.
Dressing speaks louder than words.
Kate Chisom Isiocha
Isiocha is an OND final year student of Temple Gate Polytechnic.
