Women

Why Marriages No Longer Last

Published

9 years ago

August 21, 2015

One of the institutions
of God that man has embraced with every sense of eagerness and satisfaction is marriage. It is something that every man and woman irrespective of religion or race craves for, something that spreads’ joy across the families of both the bride and groom, something that gives some sense of life’s fulfillment in every human being across the globe.
It is esteemed high to the extent that the absence of it in the life of an average man or woman poses some level of irresponsibility, depression and even tension.
It has become a normal thing in recent times, every weekend is packed with marriage ceremonies in village squares, churches and or event places with happiness on the faces of attendants.
It is a wonder however, that such an event of life with all its show of beauty, creativity, joy and blessings, could still be attended to with levity so much that, the more wedding ceremonies, the more cases of divorce.
Divorce, as it were, has become part of life among couples, to the extent that is seen as the best option where any form of supposed irregularity is found in marriage. The accompanying shame and stigma has been trivialised so much that “it does not matter, life goes on”.
Supprisingly, divorce was not as rampant even in the late 1980’s as it is now. Challenged with this worry, The Tide’s Women’s Desk was poised to unravel the mask behind the scene.
A close investigation of the issue reveals that there are cases of marriage that lasted for just a month. Very shocking was the news of a marriage that ended just after the couple’s honey-moon, where they parted ways on their way back from the ‘moon’.
Some however, took months and even years before divorce sets in.
A manager of one of the renowned beauty homes in Port Harcourt who pleaded anonymity, told this desk that there are a lot of factors that contribute to the high rate of divorce in recent times.
“The world today cannot be compared to that of yesteryears. There are so many changes such that you need a partner that will share your ideas and help you to accomplish your dreams as a woman. Unfortunately, some of these men are just not there to help you grow. Instead, they are out to drain every aspect of your life and for any wise woman, there is no need sharing your life with such a man but to get out and get going,” she said.
She explained that the incompatibility of the man and woman is enough reason for the marriage not to continue because it could lead to an untimely death of one of the partners.
According to her, “some men are just irresponsible that no significant interest is shown in the progress of the union. They are just after the sharing of bed” she revealed that such was the situation she endured for three years after which she decided to call it a quit.
Mrs Celestina Hekerem, a banker with Eco Bank was of the view that the present hard economy was a contributory factor to the issue of divorce.
“Today’s economy is very sophisticated and highly demanding. It requires all hands (husband and wife) to be on deck for the family to push on. Apart from those that I would describe as being highly favoured by God, most couples are either unemployed or one of them making do with one meager salary paid job or the other.
It takes an enduring partner to stay through the marriage otherwise, it is divorce.” Celestina also said that to avoid divorce most young men and young women would not want to marry an unemployed person ‘because until you have the experience, you will not understand, she added.
According to Mr. Tonye Fiberesima, “how can you continue with the marriage that you entered into with the mind that your bride is a virgin only to discover that she is not.”
Fiberesima maintained that marriage was supposed to be built on sincerity and devoid of every form of pretence. Unfortunately, he noted, most marriages are founded on untruthfulness and pretence and because they must be exposed someday, the marriage can’t continue.
Doctors Blessing Amadi and Godstime Ike of the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital were of the view that Infertility/Sterility among couples are major causes of divorce.
“Ofcourse, one of the basic reasons of marriage is for procreation and where this is absent after many years of marriage, it is somehow bound to crash except for very few enduring couples.”
They also revealed that the libido or romantic aspect of a partner can contribute to the rise and fall of a marriage.
Pastor Anyalebechi Nnunukwe of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Port Harcourt, attributed the cause of divorce to adultery, intolerance and lack of patience among couples.
He said “a lot of couples today for reasons known to them have lost sight of the original nature of marriage that a man would leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and both of them shall become one flesh. They have relegated this injunction by God and turned to sharing their flesh with two or even multiple fleshes.
Besides, they are different entities coming together to live their lives and share a common goal. This requires a high level of tolerance and patience. Unfortunately, these virtues seem to be lacking in most couples resulting to divorce.
On his part, Chief Nsan Enerene said “marriage is to foster posterity. Your marriage should provide you with a son that will continue your lineage. Your wife could give you only female children and you might be lenient enough to pick another wife to give you the male sex child but your wife may not agree with you and so, the best thing is to get divorced.”
A 92- year old retiree of the federal civil service, Pa Akande Ishaya, lamented that today’s marriages are made up of youngsters who are immature and unknowledgeable of the nitty-gritty of marriage, stating that it is a major cause of divorce.
It seems that the quest for marriage among young men and women has neglected the idea of courtship. Most of these issues would have been resolved and the marriage formed with every sense of understanding, tolerance and hopefulness.
Moreso, life itself is a check and balance, the absence of which would result to unfathomable chaos. Thus, what can not be changed, I think, should be rationally endured the original beauty of marriage could be returned.

Lady Godknows

Women

Girl-Child Development And Early Marriage

Published

1 day ago

January 10, 2025

The Tide

Early marriage occurs when the persons involved are in the ages of 13 and 15 years. In fact any marriage contracted before the age of 18 is termed early marriage.

Early marriage has become a problem affecting many nations, cultures, religion and ethnic groups.

In early marriage, the girl-child is always the one to suffer the consequences because it is associated with many problems. In most cases the partner, that is the man is usually older and more experienced. In the first place, she may not have completed her secondary education to be more knowledgeable in making the right choice in terms of marriage.

A situation where a 13-year-old girl will be forced and given to a 50-year-old man in marriage should be condemned. This may happen due to certain reasons. The truth is that some of the marriages involving minors as we have seen do not last. The cause of some divorce cases in recent times are as a result of early marriages. After marrying in ignorance, when the girl becomes aware of things she never knew before the marriage will begin to make moves to quit. I have seen a girl whose parents forced into marriage with an old man. When she later saw that her mates were getting married to younger men she simply withdrew. Others may demand to complete their secondary education or to further into tertiary institutions.

Parents will sometimes push their girl-child into marriage feeling that she is a burden to them, so giving her out in marriage will reduce the liability on them. Some parents are of the opinion that girls who go into marriage on time, will have more chances of pregnancy and children than graduates. Anybody can still have children after school, it just depends on planning.

I want to say that the problems associated with early marriage outweigh the gains. There is also this inequality between boys and girls which emanates from harmful social and gender norms, they will say the incomes they have should be used to train their male children since the girl will leave the parents’ family one day while the male child will remain.

Parents think that when girls get married on time, it will protect them from violence and insecurity, but in our society today, mature married women are also kidnapped and raped.

Others feel that younger wives are more submissive than the older ones as well as dowries paid on younger ones are less than when the woman becomes a graduate and gets more mature.

Many early marriages had caused our girls to drop out of school. In these days of civilisation, socialisation and computer age, even if a girl completes her secondary education at 18, it is still early. An 18-year-old girl needs more awareness on marriage. Marriage is not something you jump in and out, it has to do with maturity in mind, soul and education.

Education acquired in character and in learning will guide her in managing herself when she finally settles down. With this level of education and empowerment, she can cope when the spouse is not doing enough.

I have seen a situation where a girl who got married with a school certificate requested to further her education and the husband refused and said she must give birth to children as much as he wants first. If the man is not a graduate may be apprehensive that the woman will become his rival one day.

Most underage in marriage usually end up as full-time housewives. Being a full-time housewife has its own implications. A wife without empowerment that will depend on her husband for everything. When her demands are not met troubles may occur.

When a girl gets married at a tender age, the right choice may not be there. Recommendation comes through friends, relatives and well-wishers. This kind of marriage comes with persuasion and at the end of the day problems occur because she never made the choice herself. When a lady gets mature before marriage, she can handle issues that may arise. She chooses her spouse herself perhaps after courtship, in this case, will not blame anyone if problems arise.

Pregnancy and childbearing have to do maturity. A minor or an adolescent who is unable to manage herself going into marriage will definitely end up frustrated. One who behaves like a baby cannot take care of another baby. At night she may fall asleep and abandon the baby while he or she is crying.

In girl-child pregnancy, the danger of being infected with one form of disease or the other is there. Underage mothers have difficulty in labour because according to medical experts the muscles in the hip and all the mechanism that facilitate delivery may not have developed. The cervix and the uterus which connect the womb may be affected which can lead to cervical cancer. The complication to lead to the death of both mother and child.

Furthermore, early marriage can occur when a man forcefully impregnates a girl and the parents ask the man to take her for a wife, the man could decide to drop her later. When that happens the girl becomes a single parent. This is a situation parents should guide against.

To put a stop to this in our society, government should enforce laws that will protect girls from forceful marriages and rape cases. Any rape case concerning our girls should be taken serious and the perpetrator be brought to book.

I call on the Ministry of Social Welfare and other relevant agencies saddled with the responsibility of protecting the girl-child and women to review policies and programmes that will educate communities and our schools at secondary and tertiary levels on the dangers associated with girls and early marriages.

More awareness should be raised and in fact, we engage local and religious leaders, parents, informing them that empowerment of girls through education and employment is necessary.

When girls go to school, the knowledge they gain help protect them from illness, unwanted pregnancies and social vices.

Educated girls gain certain potentials, social and economic status in the society. They contribute to the health care and welfare of their immediate and extended families as well as where they from with the income got from jobs after graduation.

An empowered girl-child can cater for her family in the absence of her husband.

Remember, train a woman and you train a nation.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Dealing With Issues Of Singlehood

Published

1 day ago

January 10, 2025

The Tide

Singlehood is not a cause. It is a situation where a lady is without a spouse. She may or may not have a child. She is not controlled by anyone. She can visit friends at will and spends as many days as she can. She travels to places of choice without restrictions.

Singlehood is for a while and God has a time he has prepared for singles. A single person is also valuable so it is important you treasure your life even as a single.

But many single ladies want to be married if you ask them. So as a single lady, why do you want to get married? Is it just getting married or there is a purpose for it?

Some have a purpose for marrying. When you get married tomorrow, you have to have intelligence to be able to manage your spouse.

Randomly, you must not marry the person you know but it is also necessary to know the person to marry. You must find out if the two of you are compatible by asking questions.

Although some traits don’t unfold in relationships until marriage proper. It is good to get counseling from people around you before proceeding into marriage. Seek advise because it is important. It is people around you that will tell you whether you are making the right choice in marriage or not.

Listening attentively is good for choosing a potential partner.

Addiction to many things can hinder a single lady from getting married. Such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, social media addiction, can prevent a single lady from making good choice for marriage.

Problem of anger and violence should be dealt with before going into marriage.

Being truthful to a proposed partner is good before going into marriage. A single lady can tell her admirer that she has a child outside wedlock. That prior information can help to solidify the relationship and marriage when it eventually comes to pass.

Double and dual relationship can ruin a marriage when it is contracted. This should be discouraged. Let honesty be your watchword while expecting a spouse.

Every person wants to be respected in marriage. Don’t look down on a person you want to marry.

If someone displays explosive anger, you better avoid that person. It is better to fix it before venturing into the relationship. Avoid saying it will be fixed when you go in.

Eunice Choko-Kayode

Women

Cooking And Its Importance To Women

Published

4 weeks ago

December 13, 2024

The Tide

Cooking is the process of preparing food by using heat. It involves a variety of techniques and methods, such as grilling, baking, boiling, frying, and steaming. Cooking also requires ingredients, utensils, and appliances to create delicious and nutritious meals. Cooking is for all irrespective of sex.
It may interest you to know that there are many benefits to cooking at home, including the ability to control the ingredients and portion sizes, save money, and customize dishes to suit individual tastes and dietary restrictions. Cooking also allows for creativity and experimentation in the kitchen, as well as the opportunity to share meals with family and friends.
When you cook, it enables you to know the right ingredients to use for a particular meal. Getting prepared food outside home will not give such opportunity and in fact it is cheaper.
For you to carry out cooking successfully, prepping ingredients ahead of time, is very important. Using the right tools and equipment, adjusting cooking times and temperatures as needed will make one a good cook and tasting and seasoning dishes to ensure they are well-balanced. A good cook should be able to taste and add adequate seasoning to ensure that dishes are consumed without stomach crams.
Cooking can be a fun and rewarding activity, whether you are a novice or experienced chef. It can also be a form of self-care and a way to explore different cuisines and flavors from around the world. Overall, cooking is an essential skill that can help you eat healthier, save money, and enjoy delicious meals at home.
Good chefs earn a living through cooking. Good ones who are opportuned to work in big hotels and smaller eateries make huge sums of money as well as earn free meal at work.
According to experts, cooking involves a wide range of techniques that can be mastered through practice and experience. Some common culinary techniques include sautéing, searing, braising, roasting, marinating, poaching, and blanching. Each technique contributes to the flavor, texture, and appearance of the final dish.
In addition, understanding how different ingredients work together to create a balanced flavor profile is key to successful cooking. This includes experimenting with sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami flavors and learning how to add these flavors in a dish to create depth and complexity. The right ingredients work together to give the right aroma and taste a good cook deserves.
Furthermore, exploring the diverse culinary traditions from around the world can open up a world of new flavors and cooking techniques. Trying out recipes from different cultures can help you broaden your culinary horizons and develop a deeper appreciation for global cuisine.
You may discover that different cultures believe in their own food and meals. Someone from the Eastern part of the country may not be comfortable with the kind of food or meal prepared and consumed in the northern part of the country.
Interestingly, gas cookers are in vogue because they cook faster especially in families with the presence of kids. Having the right tools and equipment in the kitchen can make a big difference in your cooking. From basic essentials like knives, cutting boards, pots and pans to specialized appliances like blenders, food processors, and slow cookers, having the right equipment can help you cook more efficiently and effectively.
In this 21st century, a lot of innovations have actually come into the practice of cooking. The use of wood and stove are gradually going down especially in the urban centres.
Planning your meals ahead of time can save you time, money, and stress in the kitchen. Meal planning involves selecting recipes, creating a shopping list, and preparing ingredients in advance to streamline the cooking process. This can help you eat healthier, reduce food waste, and make the most of your time in the kitchen.
A lot of families plan their meals so as to minimize waste, especially now because of high cost of living.
The safety of the food to be consumed in a home should be the concern of every good cook. Practicing proper food safety and hygiene is essential in cooking to prevent foodborne illnesses. This includes washing hands, utensils, and surfaces regularly, storing food at the correct temperatures, and avoiding cross-contamination between raw and cooked foods.
A cook should ensure that ingredients for a particular meal are properly washed. Food stuffs must be properly preserved if they are not to be used immediately. When it comes to refrigeration, experts should be contacted for proper advise on how long they should be kept.
Some persons due to health challenges are placed on special diets. Medically, some persons are advised to consume food with low salt intake as well as sugar. It is important that a good cook adheres to those instructions. If you or your loved ones have dietary restrictions or preferences, learning how to cook for special diets can be a valuable skill. This may involve accommodating allergies, intolerances, or lifestyle choices such as vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, or low-carb diets.
Moreso, cooking at home allows you to have better control over the ingredients used in your meals, leading to healthier eating habits. By cooking from scratch, you can avoid processed and unhealthy ingredients, reduce the amount of added sugars and preservatives, and increase your intake of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
Meals prepared at home obviously may not taste as the one consumed from outside. The food got outside may contain excess spices more than meals prepared at home.
Cooking is deeply intertwined with culture and tradition, and exploring different cuisines can be a great way to learn about different countries and regions. Trying out recipes from various cultures can expand your culinary skills and palate, introducing you to new ingredients, flavors, and cooking techniques.
As peoples culture differs that is how the kind of food they consume also differ. When a chef finds himself or herself in a particular region, it is better to learn the kind of food that is being consumed.
When you talk about cooking, the meal prepared for an adult definitely differs from that of a baby. Excess pepper in meal may not be good for infants.
The use of mutter and pestle is gradually phasing out with the innovation of electrical appliances such as blenders. A good cook should be able to train herself on the usage of such kitchen equipment.
With the use of microwave oven has come to stay as hotels (eateries) and homes use them thereby saving the use of kerosine in stoves and gas.
Odoo-e Precious is a student of Pan African Institute of Management and Technology, Port Harcourt.