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Women

Removing Pressure On Kids …Roles Of Parents, Guardians

Published

7 years ago

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In a clime like ours, where many people are ignorant of the Child’s Rights Act and children’s opinions are not sought for, even while deciding issues concerning them, everybody thinks childhood is simply a care-free era.
Although many children may not initiate a conversation on what bothers them, they surely do go through one form of pressure or the other. Things like school demands, their social life and coping with house chores, in no mean measure, most times create pressures that can be quite overwhelming for them.
Unique Amadi, a senior secondary student of St Scholarstica Secondary School in Port Harcourt explains that she wakes up 4.00 am on week days to prepare for school, closes at 3pm and resumes preparatory classes for her senior WAEC immediately and closes at 6.30pm. She arrives home about 8.00pm and is faced with plates to wash in addition to her school’s assignments that she must submit the next day.
Unique is also an active member of the youth department of her church, a chorister in that regard. Unique is just one among millions of children who go through similar experiences on daily basis, some even play the role of bread winners in the home due to unfavourable economic conditions.
In the face of these demands, the onus lies on the poor little child to deliver on every side; be it at the home front, the school or the church, and he is expected to prove himself a faithful steward.
Sometimes, some parents seem not to know what to do to assist their children cope with these pressures but they surely do want them to reach out and help them cope with their troubles. Even though it may be practically impossible to avert pressures on children, you can, as a parent help them develop healthy ways to cope with pressures.
Resorting to using the child as a money-making venture for the family has exposed most of them to the vagaries of the harsh and ugly sides of life as many live daily hunted by the dangers incurred in the process of trying to cushion the effects of the harsh economy on their families.
Of course, the current economic downturn in Nigeria, and around the world, has refocused attention on the process through which families assist themselves. The harsh economic realities have pushed many parents, the original family bread winners out of their jobs, leaving their tables for days without food.
Worst still, many of the parents, guardians and other households lack entrepreneurial skills to fall back on in such a situation. This situation has not only created great pressure on the children and teens in homes, it has put upon them, the burden of lending support towards the family’s upkeep to avoid eventual collapse.
Most students on their own volition decide to help provide for their parents, siblings and themselves if they have the grace to do so.
Visits to grassroot communities in Rivers State in particular, and Nigeria at large, revealed that many teens who would have actually preferred to be in schools studying or be in school uniforms and be found in school environments having fun with teachers and fellow pupils or students, colleagues, are rather hawking goods on the streets and high ways while some serving as baby-sitters in various homes.
The reason is simply to help their families earn income with which to make ends meet. These school drop outs, are most times used as sacrificial lambs for others to be in school or to provide food on the table. Many no doubt, are economically viable and therefore responsible for their family’s financial stability.
It is a pitiable situation, as it is obvious that many of these teens are neither frustrated, unstable, uninterested in school nor are they guilty of any academic or behavioural misconduct. “They surely do want to be in school, but their families may need their financial help to make ends meet” says Molly Scott, co-author of Dropping Out and Clocking In: A Portrait of Teens who leave School early and work.
Scott was quick to point out that in some cases, children hand over their pay cheques to parents, while others notice a need in their families and decide to pay for utilities, groceries, school supplies and clothes for themselves and siblings. There also abound cases where youth essentially support themselves within their families or move out on their own.
For the ones who cannot work and school, it is indeed a matter of trading their future to address their family’s financial problems. On yearly basis, the oldest children are found stopping their education to help out with family financial situation. These students never get a chance to go back to school.
However, must children trade their future for their family’s good? Ofcourse, this cycle can be stopped. Similar economic hardship was witnessed sometimes in the 70’s and 80’s, there was provision for evening schools where children who worked in the day had the privilege to school in the evening and vice versa.
Again, one pressure staring the child in the face as he/she grows up, is that brought on him/her by peers; friends and course mates. A child once stopped attending maths class simply because his friend advised him against doing so. They rather chose to be going out for lunch during maths period.
As children grow up, they are faced with some challenging decisions of which some don’t actually have a clear right or wrong answer and others involve serious moral questions. Even adults sometimes are faced with this kind of challenge-where friends influence their action.
It is important to learn to say ‘No’ to offers from peers when they are not useful, this the parents must let them know.
Use an excuse for not wanting to accept such offer and proffer an alternative instead, most importantly, avoid the people who pressure you. This is so because, by mere spending time with you, you learn from them and they also learn from you. It is quite human to listen to and learn.
“It may be quite tough to be the only one who says “No” to peer pressure, but you can do it. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do.
Inner strength and confidence can help you stand firm, walk away and resist doing something when you know better” so said Dr D’Arcy Lyness.

Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi

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City Crime

Women And Dangers Of Obnoxious Practices

Published

6 days ago

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September 12, 2025

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It is worrisome to hear that a woman or a girl is bathed with acidic contents just because she refuses to adhere to one instruction or the other from an opposite sex.
Sometimes, you see a woman with bruises on the face, with one eye swollen as if she is an animal perhaps she demanded one or two things from her spouse.
A situation where a widow will be mandated to marry a brother-in-law for her to still belong to the family where she is married and to partake in inheritance should be looked into.
Severally, there have been talks, seminars, workshops, fora, arguments, bills and laws abolishing the issues that concern women, especially violence.  But much has not been achieved to curtail the menace.
Violence against girls and women has been on the increase.  From time to time, it is either girls are denied access to father’s property or a widow is denied inheritance to husband’s properties.  Even when laws are put in place about things that will help women have their rights, some persons feel that culture and tradition do not permit such laws.
We are aware that some women are rich and may not want to partake in the share of their late parents’ property, but there are vulnerable ones who may need to be empowered, through perhaps, late parents’ property inheritance.
Some of the obnoxious laws were made before now without the consent of women. There was no enough representation to either argue for or against so as to be beneficial to women generally.  Some of the laws were so primitive that even when civilisation came, became difficult to change. Very unfortunately, it is the women sometimes who execute the laws made by men in their absence. But women are suffering it.
If government can establish laws abolishing certain practices against women and girls, it will be better for them and should in the presence of women so that they can contribute as well.
For long, laws against female genital mutilation and circumcision have existed but some communities with their culture and tradition have refused to put a stop to it with reasons best known to them.
Circumcision of a full-grown girl or lady may not be the only way of attaining maturity. It is a harmful practice and the pain associated with it cannot be imagined.  The illegal operation is not performed in the hospital so the dangers inherent will be much.
For those who still practise it, the menace should be discouraged as that is not a proper way of ushering a girl into womanhood. A lot of women lose their lives due to pains experienced during the process. If it was practised in the past when civilisation was not there, it is a different case, nowadays with science and technology proving it wrong, those who still practice should resist.
We know that government is doing a lot to save women and girls from some of the pains they go through but right steps should be taken in the right direction  and all stakeholders intensify efforts in dealing with persons who perpetuate evil against their fellow women.
One issue that comes to mind is implementation even if policies and laws are out in place by relevant agencies.  The issues have been dwelt on for decades, but it is still practised as big ceremonies in some communities.
When it comes to inheritance, a girl born into a family, married or unmarried will be denied access to father’s property.
When parents are sick, the female child will pick him or her for care and offset medical bills.  If it has to do with the demise of parents, the woman and the husband will be mandated to provide a cow and perform other burial rites.
If the National Assembly makes laws concerning the well-being of women, community heads, molecular leaders, women groups and associations, religious organisations, Non-Governmental organizations (NGOs) and Civil Society Organisations (CSOs) should create more awareness through the media to sensitise rural dwellers.
In this digital era, it should be forbidden that a woman loses her spouse and she is mandated to drink water used on the late husband.
A legal practitioner,  Tam Jacobs, said if one forcefully shaves a woman’s hair with the intention that she is mourning her late spouse, she can sue that person for assault.
He said if the woman is forced to drink water used on her late husband’s body, she can also sue for attempted murder.
According to him, several cases of girl-child inheritance have been won and documented in the law court but some cannot claim it.
“Even a widow who is handicapped may not be able to make attempts so NGOs, CSOs should be in the forefront to support them and ensure that the laws are implemented at the grassroots level where they are practised”, he said.
A pharmacist, Eno Amos said any culture that does not add colour and value to life, especially as it concerns women should be abolished.
She added that implementation can be easy in the cities where awareness has been created but expressed fear that it may not be easy in the rural areas where culture is really practised.
A business woman, Agnes Ugwu, said tradition and culture were made by man and not God and wondered why people who claim to be educated still follow the tradition of ancestors who never went to school.
Ignorance also comes to play here.  If you have watched a documentary showing female genital mutilation and the gory experience the young women go through is something else.  Some of the perpetrators claim that the practice has existed for ages. Women have to learn more about issues that concern them.
A nurse, Rosy Ekeocha, said it is not about culture but about the behavior of a group of people in the community who force it on others.
According to her, let people change their behaviour and leave culture alone.  It does not happen in every family and if any family allows it that is its business.
She said we are in the 21st century, certain cultures and tradition need to be reviewed to ensure that they align with today’s reality.
Culture is dynamic she said, but that implementation of laws relating to the vulnerable in the society calls for concern.
We should not behave the way people behaved twenty decades ago, after all, we do not dress the way our forefathers dressed.  Time has evolved and things are getting better as it concerns women. We are getting more exposed and more enlightened about issues that concern us.  Information is moving round as the world is a global village.
Talking about culture nowadays, we wear shoes whereas our forefathers never had any.  They walked barefooted
far distances to get family necessities but things are better now as we are mobile.
That should also happen to culture and tradition.  There are certain aspects of our culture and tradition which are practised today that have expired long ago. We should get rid off them.
Sometime, the bill for prohibition of obnoxious practices against women at the National Assembly was a welcome development, how far have the powers that be gone to ensure that it favours women.
It is expected that the bills abolishing obnoxious practices against women and girls in the society should have started achieving results as it concerns their wellbeing.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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Women

Early Start Of Education: The Dangers On Children 

Published

6 days ago

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September 12, 2025

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There are worries these days about the way parents are sending their kids to school earlier than it was many years ago.
 A situation where children of six and nine months are sent to creche and day care centres all in the name of starting them early.
Although some parents whose schedules are tight say they have no choice than to do that since getting a house help or nanny has a lot of implications for the child and the family.
But aside that, some people feel that the benefit of sending their children to school so early will help them secure job early. And the issue of starting life early.
So many years ago, children of school age were not allowed to start school until their hands could cross from one part of their ear to another. That was the yardstick used to ascertain whether a pupil could start school or not.
It is important that our wards acquire education early but their lives should not be put on danger because parents want them to finish school early.
The truth is that parents are pushing their children into school these days as if there is competition among families and friends. This is not healthy enough for our young ones.
I don’t understand why a child of 12 years should be in Senior Secondary School (SS2). It means that the child will be and graduate at age 13 or 14 in SSS3.  This should be discouraged by school managers.
Which university will admit a student of 14 or 15 when universities insist they must be 16 years-old before being admitted. I’ve seen a child who performed well both in SSCE and UTME but was denied admission  by one of the  universities because he was below 16 years.
In fact, the stakeholders have come up with the issue well clarified that, students seeking admission into the universities must be 16 years of age. That’s a welcome development.
Maturity is one of the factors affecting teaching and learning process. Parents should not send their children to school earlier than it should be.
No matter how intelligent a child is, he should not be allowed to jump any class.  School managers should resist parents who may want their children to jump from one class to another.
Even if a child scores Excellent in all subjects in a particular class, that child should be allowed to touch all the classes, complete primary 6 of lower basic.  That will make a significant impact on that child.
Many of us year back started secondary school at the age of 12 and 13 and never lost anything, as we graduated at 17, 18 and 19 before seeking admission into the university.
Back in secondary school, some students were already 20 years and never bordered being in the same class with younger persons.
There are children who are exceptionally good but that does not mean a child should be sent to school prematurely. That child may suffer inferiority complex in the midst of seniors.
Children should be allowed to move with their peers. This will give them a sense of belonging among peers.  When a child begins to nurse the problem of inferiority complex, he will certainly experience withdrawal syndrome. Peer group pressure becomes a problem on the child.
Those are some of the challenges resulting from keeping younger persons among the older ones. We are not in danger so we should not put our children into such uncomfortable scenario.
Nowadays, children are getting into school at tender age as parents dictate. There are things children are supposed to learn as kids at a particular level and when they jump such level and get to a point where parents want them to be, one day, those children will definitely feel it and the significant of that particular level will manifest.
Children should be allowed to enjoy whatever thing they are meant to enjoy at every level. No level of a child’s development should be ignored. Every stage of development is important no matter how intelligent that child may be.
Stakeholders know why every curriculum is prepared in a way to sooth every child so parents should allow children to enjoy every stage in their lives.
A teacher once told me that children below 10 years who find themselves on secondary schools do not concentrate in class.  They find it difficult to concentrate no matter what the teacher does.
Parents deny their kids parental care.  Sometimes in schools, parents abandon their wards at the mercy of minders after school hours, up to 6:00 p. m.  Whereas they should have gone home earlier to prepare for the next day.
Even at home, they are left in the hands of house helps and nannies while parents are busy looking for money.  Children are denied parental care and are not getting full maturity because of these factors.
Another reason for this rush by parents is pride.  A parent may be boasting that his child is either in ABC school and representing the whole world while another person’s child is at home or one “inferior” school.
Children who are pushed into school prematurely do not sustain it most times.  Students of 15 and 16 years-old going into university can suffer depression according to research.
Researches have also shown that they (younger) ones risk the problem of mental health more than the older classmates.
In the case of creche and day care centres, the idea is not really to acquire education yet, some parents decide to keep their babies so that they can go about their daily businesses.  It is true they need money to cater for their households, but should avoid that tender age, the best training any child can have is from parents, while teachers and caregivers are secondary.
Teaching and learning process begin with the parents.  No matter how tight the parents’ schedules may be, they must take care of their kids. Parents must devote time to nurture and teach their children many things that they cannot learn in classroom.  They should not rush them through life all in a bid to acquire education early.
It is worrisome that parents rush their children to school while they cannot speak and understand their languages and dialects.
One of the guidelines in the National Policy in Education is that children should be taught in their mother tongue at home while they learn foreign language in school.
The NPE  also stipulates that every child at the basic level should be taught the language of the place of residence. If school managers are not obeying the instruction, parents need to do a follow-up.
Parents rush their children to school while they do not understand their environment, culture and tradition of theirs and others. Although a few schools devote little time to mark cultural day for the kids.
It is good that children start school early and graduate at 20, 21 and may be get a job at 23 and 24 as some employers will indicate.
Recently, organisations were inviting graduates of between 23 and 25 years for job offers. This caused a lot of reactions from the public. The question people asked was about when the children started school and youth corps service to seek for job in the labour market.
There was a period students secured admission between the ages of 22 and 23 years as a result of either delay in obtaining credits in their choice of disciplines and high scores in UTME.  They still graduated at 27 and 28 before proceeding for national youth service.
I think this is one of the reasons why many decide to start their children early to scale through those external exams early enough.
When parents start their children early, they may be exposed to emotional and psychological problems in schools. A lot of them make more friends for protection as they are easily apprehensive.
The morals they needed both at home would have been denied them. At the end of the day, they may acquire good education but lack morals.
The family is the first school for the child but because parents are engaged, the creche and day care centres become their option.
Early start for the children affects their productivity.  Factors like home, society and government are responsible.
Charity, they say, begins at home.  Parents must have a balance.  It is a known fact to that parents need to work to provide money for the family but must make out time to take care of the children.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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Women

Who Is A Classic Woman? 

Published

4 weeks ago

on

August 22, 2025

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A classic woman is one  who has identified herself in terms of fashion, occupation  or the kind of business she does.
A woman can be classical in the way she entertains her audience in terms of music and movies.  You will discover that some female musicians are identified with the kind of music they sing.
A classical woman is one who always wants to appear trendy.
Generally, classical women are normally identified with the kind of things they are involved in.
There are ladies that want to be identified with wearing of shorts (short trousers) in the public. They use it to showcase their beauty. They want to be identified with such things as they see it as socialisation.
Some wear trousers that are so tight just to showcase all the curves they possess.
Consultant stylists and etiquette experts say some fashions won by some persons are inappropriate because of how and when they are won.
A classic woman is supposed to dress properly.   She should  be able to wear clothes  that will not expose hidden parts of her body. When such occurs,  then it is indecent dressing.
Ladies should be known for two things, classical and beauty.  One can be classic with minimisation.  The minimum woman should go is to look good, decent and presentable.
Some ladies like wearing short skirts but no matter  how short the skirt is,  it should look elegant. The skirt  should not be too short like the mini-skirt.
Dressing or fashion depends on the environment the persons finds herself.  The kind of clothes won to the office may be different from the one won at home. Likewise,  a dress won to a party may be different from the one won too swimming pool.
For one to look classical or decent, body shape should be taken into consideration.
Colours of a particular fashion can make one look odd or nice.  Looking model does not mean that one should go naked or dull.
Don’t wear clothes  that you need to drag from time to time in order not to expose yourself.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
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