Arts/Literary
Unheard Voice Of The Teens (I)
There are certain things parents do, though out of ignorance, that affect or damage their children’s future. Sincerely, some parents aren’t aware and this is made worse by the mere fact that children hardly speak up/out. Yet, some other parents who are aware do it with impunity, because they feel they are doing it for the child’s own good.
This is actually bad as it’s the parents decision not the child’s. Their choices and decisions matter a lot..
Most parents happen to be the cause of their children’s misfortune and lack of growth. How? By choosing a particular career for them. The very big and common mistake most parents make is choosing and forcing a particular career on a child. Those two fields (Law and Medicine) is crowded because most of the students are not there on their own will. Some are just there to please their parents.
That desire for quick and large money has blinded most of our parents, and has made them to ruin the lives of their innocent kids. Now, because those two fields (Law and Medicine) brings in money and recognition, our parents forget about our happiness and dreams and push us to do them. Yes, it brings money to your table but it also feels bad doing something with the mindset of pleasing our parents and not ourselves. A life career shouldn’t just be something to bring money to your table. Although I know that money is very important, but it should also be something you do with happiness. The moment you do your career with joy and happiness, you’ll do it perfectly and make money out of it.
We, the teenagers, want to be given a chance or little chances to choose our career without being denied of financial support from our parents. One must not be a doctor or lawyer to succeed. There are other occupations that are being degraded. But then again, our parents aren’t totally at fault because, our politicians have painted these two courses (Law and Medicine) to be the only highly profitable profession in the country.
Yes, at times most teens make mistakes and chooses some low class and less profitable course of study but it is the duty of the parents to watch their child and say, “No my child! I don’t think you’ll be good at this one. Try or go for another one” this is how it should be done, if the parents don’t see the desire in that child’s body for the course. Most kids have a hard time in choosing or deciding what they want to be. Most kids are scared to be what they want because, their parents wouldn’t be in it support of because they don’t have financial support. In most cases, single parenting damages a child’s future. How? Because, the single mother or single father would likely want the best for their kids and shut down their child’s dream.
We, the teens have dreams and our dreams can only come through if you have parental guidance and control. Our dreams can only come through if our parents put their heads, ego and desire for quick money down and listen to us and also pay attention to our dreams.
Though, most parents will say, what they do and the career they choose I’d got the child’s brighter future. The question here is, Is the child happy with this decision? Or can the child do it or cope well? Few months ago, I read a poem on Facebook that actually got my interest. It really made a lot of sense. It’s very long but I’ll summarize it. It says; A mum gives birth and the minute she gave birth, she called the child a lawyer while, the father called the child a doctor. They didn’t give the child a chance to make a choice. Now, they kept on training the child with this doctor occupation planted into his head. There wasn’t a way for him to say NO to it because, they weren’t interested in any other occupation apart from that one. He wasn’t good at it because that was what they wanted him to do, they paid their way through. He got all the necessary papers, documents and degrees and was finally addressed as a doctor. Not once did he pass his papers without cheating and other corrupt measures. Not once did he try treating a patient. Why? Because his parents didn’t really care. They only wanted the title “Iya doctor”
This continued for a year or so. He was earning large amount of money for doing nothing. Not until one day when they needed the so called best doctor to save a patients life by operating on the patient. That very day was the day he killed a patient and was sentenced to life imprisonment. His life was being ruined by his precious parents. His dreams were crushed. His parents killed him by not letting him decide. He was going to die because he wanted to please them. He was going to die because his parents only cared about their reputation and recognition.
So, my advise for our loving parents out there, is to please hear our voices and let us decide for our self. We want you to guide us through with out dreams and believe in us. For once, put us first and into consideration and see how we’ll succeed. All teens are talented and have their areas of specialization. All we need is parental guidance and support.
Akwu lives in Port Harcourt.
It is the idea of God that family should exit. Children form part of the family. God loves family so much that Jesus was born into the family of Joseph.
Everyone’s family is good and important. Children should not look down on their family whether they are rich or poor.
Children should respect and honour their family and foster love among their siblings. They should work together and make peace in the family. They should always stand in the gap. It is good for family members to carry all along since everyone may not be doing well.
The Christianity that children learn is practised in family. Faith-based organisations do a great job in moulding children’s character. Those are the behaviours that children exhibit towards siblings in family.
Every child born in a family is there for a purpose. A baby born into a family is supplying something. It may be joy, wealth and so on. Everyone is important in a family.
Adolescents who have graduated from school but may not be contributing financially can do one or two things at home. You can engage in preparing meals at home while parents are away for a job or business. Contributing in house chores will go a long way to relieve parents of stress after a day’s job.
What do you contribute to your family, especially during holidays both in nuclear and extended family?
The family you were born is constant but friends are temporary. You can decide not to continue in friendship but you cannot cut off your family. No matter how bad you think your family is and you decide to leave home, you must surely return. Your friends can harbour you for a while.
The child’s first identity comes from the family. What the child learns first comes from the family.
Family is the centre of love and care. People have started playing down on marriage because of neglect on basics of family. Marriage starts today and and the next few months, it is threatened. Respect for family plays a crucial role in marriage.
No child grows without parental control and influence. If a child refuses to grow without taking instructions from parents, he may grow up being wild. There are consequences when children do not obey their parents. There are those who want to be rebellious against their parents. They should know that their length of days are tied to their parents.
Your bioligical parents know you more than every other person. There is the wisdom and knowledge your parents have that you do not so it is proper to listen to them before choosing carriers both in academics and job. A young man or woman can choose who to get married to, but a greater role in the choice of who to marry and the marriage proper comes from the parents.
They know what is best for you. No matter how modern trends will influence you and prove it wrong, parent is the key. No one can love you more than your parents because they are your blood.
A lot of parents have been traumatised due to the fact that children they nurtured and trained turned their back on them at older age. Children should not abandon their parents for any reason.
As you grow up, situations may arise in marriage when you decide it is over with your spouse, but no matter the level of provocation with your parents, they will not despise you. Parents will also play a role in that regard. Problem arises in every family but how it is handled matters a lot.
Some children honour their mentors more than their parents. Although there are parents who shy away from their responsibilities. It is important that parents take full responsibility of their children. You cannot bring a child to the planet earth and refuse to perform roles as a parent. But parents may not quantify what they spent from childhood to adolescence. That is a blessing children cannot get from another person.
There are people who have attributed their failure in life to the fact that their parents, especially mothers are witchcraft. It is wrong to feel that your mother is instrumental to your failure in life. The only way to success is hardwork.
Let money not determine the level of love for your parents. Wherever a child goes, family is constant.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
Naturally, when a child is born, it is the role of the father and mother to decide a suitable name for the child. The husband and wife normally discuss and suggest the English or vernacular name of the baby.
But sometimes, when a baby comes into a family, grandparents hearts are usually filled with joy to the extent that they want to answer present, by giving their own names not minding the fact that the biological parents have given theirs.
This happens mostly when the marriage is an inter-tribal one. It also happens even in intra-tribal marriage. Grandparents want equal representation as far as naming a child is concerned. They also have special names as a result of circumstances surrounding the birth of the child.
This is still happening till date.
A lot of people have viewed this in different ways but there is nothing wrong about it. The most important thing is that the child bears as many names as he or she can. But one thing is certain, the child must bear one name in school.
Should circumstance determine a child’s name?
Women who are more emotional are always eager to name their children considering the circumstances surrounding the child’s conception and arrival.
The issue of grandparents naming a child comes up mostly when it is the first of the family.
In naming children by some parents in the olden days, they named their children according to the days in the week in which they were born, like Sunday, Monday, Friday and so on.
You may be shocked to hear that whether a child is given 10 names by parents or grandparents, when he or she grows up, will decide to change. There are several cases where some persons decided to change especially when they feel that the names given by their parents and grandparents do not give them joy. If they are not doing well in life, they may claim that their misfortune is caused by the name their parents.
Competition among children in schools be it primary, (kindergarten) and secondary come in different forms. It can be Mathematics , debate, quiz, spelling bee,competition, from organisations like Cowbell, multi-national companies, faith-based organisations among others.
They are organised mostly for selected intelligent ones, the best among their peers to represent a class, school or group. Prizes are normally set aside for the best as well as consolation prizes for runners-up at the end of each session.
The question is, are children willing to accept defeat when they fail? As parents, guardians, can you encourage your children or wards to accept defeat instead of shouting and comparing them with others who may be performing better either in schools or outside.
Some parents may be blaming their children for not doing well in competitions. They will like to tell their children if others who may perform better have ten heads. Those group of parents blame their children for every failure.
For your children to do better in competition, the parents too must have emotional intelligence. When you continue to blame your children for failure, how intelligent are you?
Some parents always want their children to be in the 1st position and unhappy whenever they secure 2nd position. There were instances where children smashed their trophies because they never got the position they wanted to get and their parents supported them.
Children should be able to accept it whether they win or not. They should be encouraged for every performance. Discourage the issue of “shame, shame, shame, shame”.
A parent says she always tells her children to win even if they will fail. Always give them the mentality that they can win. Children should be given the impression that they can win prizes and laurels in every competition.
Parents should not isolate their children from others in the neighbourhood. Allow them to play with others. Don’t threaten your children that you may not pay their schools fees if they fail. Comparing them with others may encourage or discourage them.
Coming first or getting award as a first class student from the university sometimes does not mean that the person is the best. And if the child does not merit any award in the lower classes, does not mean that he can not merit first class also.
It should be noted that coming first in academic competition may not really mean that the competitor will be the best at work place or business.
Accepting defeat is a way to move higher. Even if a child who competed with others did not come first, there are consolation prizes for runners-up. When you advise the child to accept defeat, you are encouraging her to win in next competition.
Remember all children cannot be on the same knowledge level Their learning abilities defer.
Eunice Choko-Kayode