Social/Kiddies
Child Sexual Abuse, Molestation
Child sexual abuse, also known as child molestation, is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. This tends to happen a lot to younger kids. Forms of child sexual abuse include engaging in sexual activities with a child (whether by asking or pressuring, or by other means), indecent exposure of the genitals, female nipples, etc, and child sexual exploitation, including using a child to produce child pornography.
Child sexual abuse can occur in a variety of setting, including home, school, work, etc. That is why it is more advisable for parents not to leave their younger ones with any adult (especially the opposite sex) be it your brother, neighbour, family friend or uncle. The girls are mostly the victims of this child sexual abuse. I’m not saying some boys don’t get molested because as a matter of fact, boys get molested too. But the rate of girls being molested is more. Also, teens should learn to dress decently to avoid certain things. Because, the way you dress is the way you’re addressed.
It is advisable for parents to also keep close eyes on their kids because sometimes, the kids get scared to talk or they do not know how to tell you. I stumbled across a lady’s post once on facebook, this lady has a five- year- old son who was in primary school. Each time she was bathing with the child, the child always had erection and also tried to touch her bare body. As usual, she would scold him and he’ll apologise. It didn’t stop, it kept on happening anytime they bathed together and she couldn’t bear it again so she told her husband and her husband just laughed it off, saying he’s a growing child. Not until one day, she sat him down and asked him few questions and then he confessed that he was being molested by his teacher. Sex at a very young age! And she threatened to kill him if he tells anyone that was why he said nothing. So what am I saying? Observe your kids, be free with them so that they can open up to you.
Child sexual abuse covers a range of illegal sexual activities, including; possessing images of child sexual abuse, forcing a child to strip naked or masturbate, engaging in any kind of sexual activity in front of a child, including watching pornography. Taking, downloading, viewing or distributing sexual images of children, encouraging a child to perform sexual acts in front of a webcam, not taking measures to protect a child from witnessing sexual activity or images. Inappropriate sexual touching of a child, whether clothed or unclothed, penetrative sex, etc.
Some children often do not talk about sexual abuse because they think it is their fault or they have been convinced by their abuser that it is normal or a “special secret”. Children may also be bribed or threatened by their abuser, or told they will not be believed. There are some signs you may notice when a child is sexually abused. The signs are; Changes in behaviour – a child may start being aggressive, withdrawn, clingy, have difficulties sleeping, have regular nightmares or start wetting the bed. Avoiding the abuser – the child may dislike or seem afraid of a particular person and tries to avoid spending time alone with them. Physical problems – the child may develop health problems, including soreness in the genital and anal areas or sexually transmitted infections or they may become pregnant. Problems at school – an abused child may have difficulty concentrating and learning, and their grades may start to drop. Giving clues – Children may also drop hints and clues that the abuse is happening without revealing it outright. It is just left for you as a parent to sit and observe.
Sexual abuse can cause serious physical and emotional harm to children both in short term and the long term. In the short term, children may suffer health issues, such as sexually transmitted infections, physical injuries and unwanted pregnancies. In the long term, people who gave been sexually abused are more likely to suffer with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They’re also more likely to self-harm, become involved in criminal behaviour, misuse drugs and alcohol, and to commit suicide as young adults.
So please, as a parent, you can prevent all these from happening, like they say, prevention is better than cure. Do not leave the child with bigger opposite sex, observe your child and most of all, build a strong parental relationship with your child so that he/she will be free to tell you things. As a teenager too, it’s not your fault if you’ve been sexually abused. You can stop it from repeating itself. Learn to speak up with fear. Also, parents should take children for examination from time to time. Like I also said, the way you dress, is the way you are addressed. So teens should also dress decently to avoid lustful looks from older men.
Akwu writes from Port Harcourt.
By: Cherie Akwu
It is the idea of God that family should exit. Children form part of the family. God loves family so much that Jesus was born into the family of Joseph.
Everyone’s family is good and important. Children should not look down on their family whether they are rich or poor.
Children should respect and honour their family and foster love among their siblings. They should work together and make peace in the family. They should always stand in the gap. It is good for family members to carry all along since everyone may not be doing well.
The Christianity that children learn is practised in family. Faith-based organisations do a great job in moulding children’s character. Those are the behaviours that children exhibit towards siblings in family.
Every child born in a family is there for a purpose. A baby born into a family is supplying something. It may be joy, wealth and so on. Everyone is important in a family.
Adolescents who have graduated from school but may not be contributing financially can do one or two things at home. You can engage in preparing meals at home while parents are away for a job or business. Contributing in house chores will go a long way to relieve parents of stress after a day’s job.
What do you contribute to your family, especially during holidays both in nuclear and extended family?
The family you were born is constant but friends are temporary. You can decide not to continue in friendship but you cannot cut off your family. No matter how bad you think your family is and you decide to leave home, you must surely return. Your friends can harbour you for a while.
The child’s first identity comes from the family. What the child learns first comes from the family.
Family is the centre of love and care. People have started playing down on marriage because of neglect on basics of family. Marriage starts today and and the next few months, it is threatened. Respect for family plays a crucial role in marriage.
No child grows without parental control and influence. If a child refuses to grow without taking instructions from parents, he may grow up being wild. There are consequences when children do not obey their parents. There are those who want to be rebellious against their parents. They should know that their length of days are tied to their parents.
Your bioligical parents know you more than every other person. There is the wisdom and knowledge your parents have that you do not so it is proper to listen to them before choosing carriers both in academics and job. A young man or woman can choose who to get married to, but a greater role in the choice of who to marry and the marriage proper comes from the parents.
They know what is best for you. No matter how modern trends will influence you and prove it wrong, parent is the key. No one can love you more than your parents because they are your blood.
A lot of parents have been traumatised due to the fact that children they nurtured and trained turned their back on them at older age. Children should not abandon their parents for any reason.
As you grow up, situations may arise in marriage when you decide it is over with your spouse, but no matter the level of provocation with your parents, they will not despise you. Parents will also play a role in that regard. Problem arises in every family but how it is handled matters a lot.
Some children honour their mentors more than their parents. Although there are parents who shy away from their responsibilities. It is important that parents take full responsibility of their children. You cannot bring a child to the planet earth and refuse to perform roles as a parent. But parents may not quantify what they spent from childhood to adolescence. That is a blessing children cannot get from another person.
There are people who have attributed their failure in life to the fact that their parents, especially mothers are witchcraft. It is wrong to feel that your mother is instrumental to your failure in life. The only way to success is hardwork.
Let money not determine the level of love for your parents. Wherever a child goes, family is constant.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
Naturally, when a child is born, it is the role of the father and mother to decide a suitable name for the child. The husband and wife normally discuss and suggest the English or vernacular name of the baby.
But sometimes, when a baby comes into a family, grandparents hearts are usually filled with joy to the extent that they want to answer present, by giving their own names not minding the fact that the biological parents have given theirs.
This happens mostly when the marriage is an inter-tribal one. It also happens even in intra-tribal marriage. Grandparents want equal representation as far as naming a child is concerned. They also have special names as a result of circumstances surrounding the birth of the child.
This is still happening till date.
A lot of people have viewed this in different ways but there is nothing wrong about it. The most important thing is that the child bears as many names as he or she can. But one thing is certain, the child must bear one name in school.
Should circumstance determine a child’s name?
Women who are more emotional are always eager to name their children considering the circumstances surrounding the child’s conception and arrival.
The issue of grandparents naming a child comes up mostly when it is the first of the family.
In naming children by some parents in the olden days, they named their children according to the days in the week in which they were born, like Sunday, Monday, Friday and so on.
You may be shocked to hear that whether a child is given 10 names by parents or grandparents, when he or she grows up, will decide to change. There are several cases where some persons decided to change especially when they feel that the names given by their parents and grandparents do not give them joy. If they are not doing well in life, they may claim that their misfortune is caused by the name their parents.
Competition among children in schools be it primary, (kindergarten) and secondary come in different forms. It can be Mathematics , debate, quiz, spelling bee,competition, from organisations like Cowbell, multi-national companies, faith-based organisations among others.
They are organised mostly for selected intelligent ones, the best among their peers to represent a class, school or group. Prizes are normally set aside for the best as well as consolation prizes for runners-up at the end of each session.
The question is, are children willing to accept defeat when they fail? As parents, guardians, can you encourage your children or wards to accept defeat instead of shouting and comparing them with others who may be performing better either in schools or outside.
Some parents may be blaming their children for not doing well in competitions. They will like to tell their children if others who may perform better have ten heads. Those group of parents blame their children for every failure.
For your children to do better in competition, the parents too must have emotional intelligence. When you continue to blame your children for failure, how intelligent are you?
Some parents always want their children to be in the 1st position and unhappy whenever they secure 2nd position. There were instances where children smashed their trophies because they never got the position they wanted to get and their parents supported them.
Children should be able to accept it whether they win or not. They should be encouraged for every performance. Discourage the issue of “shame, shame, shame, shame”.
A parent says she always tells her children to win even if they will fail. Always give them the mentality that they can win. Children should be given the impression that they can win prizes and laurels in every competition.
Parents should not isolate their children from others in the neighbourhood. Allow them to play with others. Don’t threaten your children that you may not pay their schools fees if they fail. Comparing them with others may encourage or discourage them.
Coming first or getting award as a first class student from the university sometimes does not mean that the person is the best. And if the child does not merit any award in the lower classes, does not mean that he can not merit first class also.
It should be noted that coming first in academic competition may not really mean that the competitor will be the best at work place or business.
Accepting defeat is a way to move higher. Even if a child who competed with others did not come first, there are consolation prizes for runners-up. When you advise the child to accept defeat, you are encouraging her to win in next competition.
Remember all children cannot be on the same knowledge level Their learning abilities defer.
Eunice Choko-Kayode
