Opinion
Significance Of The Gates’ Marital Jinx
It is already in the public domain that the marriage of Bill and Melinda Gates of United States of America has hit the rock, after several years of blissful union, with lots of money for comfort. Why do marriages fail, even when there’s money to make the union happy and comfortable? Marriage counsellors would often say that failed marriages are attributable to communication as a major causal factor. Communication gap would mean a situation where two persons rarely understand themselves.
In the domain of communication, there are many mansions of which body language is an enigmatic one. With women in particular, the unseen and unsaid rule their world, of which a majority of men are obtuse and dull in reading women’s body language. The enigma of womanhood caused King Cymbeline of Britain to exclaim: “O most delicate fiend! Who is ’t can read a woman?” From America to Africa, and from Nigeria to Nicaragua, hardly anyone can read a woman accurately. Yet they can be simple and unavoidable.
Women may not always be “delicate fiend” as portrayed by King Cymbeline, but they are deeper than any man would read correctly. Happily, the secret agonies experienced in marital unions are usually not discussed or sold out in public but often borne in silence, by those who drink of that cup of bitterness. In Shakespeares’ Winter’s Tale, we hear King Leonates of Sicilia say: “Should all despair that have revolted wives, the tenth of mankind would hang themselves”. Some men do!
Therefore, the issue of jinxed marriages is not an exclusive Gates’ affair, but a peg to explore what lies behind the phenomenon of marital enigmas. The statement that the unseen and the unsaid rule the world of the feminine sex means that women, among other qualities, have a higher and deeper perceptive ability. Women also have a lighter, more delicate but deeper inner feelings than men are endowed with. Neither can the obtuse nature of men’s feelings penetrate deeper than the surface, unless a woman be handy to point out the way. So, complementarily comes in. Open up!
As a help or mate fit for a man, a woman is not only a wife and potential mother, but also a necessary couplement, so that a union can become a starting point for the affairs of life. Thus a home set up by an adult male and female becomes a starting point for the affairs of life, whereby the couple become one in a joint mission. That joint mission goes far beyond amative activities and raising of children, but includes exploring the issues and challenges of life. Therefore, marital union is not only a joint activity but also a shared responsibility.
The fineness or delicacy of womanhood which is an idiom, is a unique quality which can be abused, distorted and coarsened, if not handled with great care and understanding. The delicacy of the female sex is an idiom because therein lies the secret about the well-being of collective humanity. Hence, the idiom that behind every successful man, there is always a woman. The delicacy of womanhood may also be called a treasure which demands to be protected and guarded diligently.
Twenty-seven years of marriage should be time enough for a couple to know the differences and unique nature of each of them. The period should also be long enough for couples to decide whether or not they are compatible enough to remain together or go their different ways. One good thing about Western culture is the freedom which individuals enjoy, which also demands personal responsibility. Marriages which are unable to hold together are allowed to end, rather than compromise the dignity of the individuals.
A long time ago, a frank and audacious American woman told an open court that her ground for seeking divorce was that she was not being satisfied by her husband. When more details were demanded from her, she said that her husband did not stand for “cunnilingus”, which was what she desired. An African housewife would be ashamed to say in an open court that her husband considers it an abomination to “use his fingers or tongue”.
If the primary purposes of marriage are confined to mating and child-bearing, then the project is a failure. Rather, marriage and family life lay the foundation for addressing the issues, challenges and perplexities of life. It takes the union of a man and a woman, just as the positive and negative phases of electricity, to be able to generate the energy necessary to cope with issues of life. It also takes suitability, complementarity and compatibility between a man and a woman, to be able to have an ideal union or marriage. Unfortunately, the condition of suitability, or matching quality among couples can be quite rare.
To say that marriages are “made in heaven”, is to say that the condition of suitability in marriage is a pre-determined issue of destiny. It is a question of matching qualities between a man and a woman whose origin pre-dates their birth on earth , and whose union complements both. Such suitability or complementarily means that one is destined for the other, in the sense that one complements and matches what the other needs for wholesomeness. Jewish belief system calls this beyond-the-earth mechanism “pairs of opposites”.
Suitable or matching pairs of opposites must unite, thus bringing wholesomeness both in marriage and other associations or combinations. The human chemistry is such that wherever imbalances or incompatibility exist, then there would be instability and friction until separation comes about. Since human destiny is affected by changes brought about by individual volition, no one is subject to any fixity. Individuals get what they deserve, through their volition, choices and strivings; even in marriages.
The fluid nature of destiny also means that provisions are made for the actualisation of such needs and conditions that are strongly felt by individuals. Divorce is one of such provisions to detach oneself from uneven yoke, neither must anyone stay in any bondage indefinitely. Even in the deeper meaning of love, freedom rather than bondage is implied. Thus, it is ethical to free oneself from selfish or bondage-love. Is any human condition permanent? Enjoy what you have while it lasts!
Dr. Amirize is a retired lecturer from the Rivers State University, Port Harcourt.
Before the Saturday, October 5, Local Government Council Election to midwife the rebirth of elected Local Government administrations in Rivers State, it was hard on me to believe that general elections can hold in Nigeria without the Nigerian Police and other statutory security organisations’ participation to provide security. So when the Abuja High Court restrained the Nigerian Police from giving security for a seamless, hitch-free election processes, I was startled on the security of election materials, adhoc staff of the Rivers State Independent Electoral Commission (RSIEC) and the voters, even though legal luminaries posit that it is not within the ambit of Federal courts to legislate on Local Government matters. Many people thought that the Inspector-General of Police’s decision to promptly obey judicial orders would either truncate the process or trigger voter apathy.
However, the outcome: violence-free, massive participation of voters even the participation of those who confessed that they had not exercised their franchise in the last 24 years of Nigeria democratic dispensation, does not only prove me wrong but also speak volumes of a people yearning for self determination at the grassroots. It also shows that the time of a marked departure from the ugly, repressive and dictatorial past has inevitably come to an end. It underscores the emergence of a new political order and structure that are the prerogative of the people and a function of legitimacy from the people, not a structure that is a product of a coercive, repressive , and other measures that negate democratic values and norms. For once, Rivers people have sent a message that they remain a distinct political entity with the right to decide who leads them.
The people of Rivers State, from the Ikwerres, the Kalabaris, Etches, Ndonis, Wakirikes, Andonis, the Ekpeyes, Ogonis, Abuans and several other micro ethnic and language people as a resilient and brave people have gained consciousness to dislodge the human instrument that perpetrates oppression even as Karl Marx said, “It is only when people are conscious of the fact that they are oppressed can they rise to dislodge the instrument that makes the oppression possible”. The October 5, Local Government Election, shows that despite its ethnic and language diversity Rivers State is homogeneous, united in corporate interest and goal. Rivers people have proven that general election without the presence of Nigerian Police is possible. Some voters have also alleged that considering the peaceful election achieved without the presence of Nigerian Police, the crisis-ridden elections in Nigeria may have been the architecture of the Police. Some believe that their presence poses a discomfort to voters and an uneasy calm in voting environment.
Now that it is possible to conduct elections without them the Federal and Sub- national electoral bodies can reduce cost of conducting elections. The huge budget allocated to security for election purposes presupposes waste, so can be channeled to other critical sectors. This laudable achievement-a peaceful election without Nigerian Police would have been elusive without the peaceful, mentally and emotionally matured, God-fearing disposition and Rivers First mantra of the Executive Governor, Siminalayi Fubara. The Governor’s passion for peace and development even amid provocative and inciting statements by detractors and enemies of Rivers State, has endeared him to the people and whittled down the influence and relevance of the opposition in Rivers State. It is not gainsaying the fact that in recent times, the Nigerian Police has flagrantly violated professional, ethical and moral standards.
The high command seems to have sacrificed their statutory obligations to the people on a whim for personal relationships and filthy lucre. They seem to have allowed pecuniary gains to dull and cloud their sense of reasoning and their primary statutory responsibilities of crime detection and prevention, protection of lives and property. The occupation of Local Government Council Secretariats in the 23 Local Government Areas of Rivers State by the Nigeria Police, preventing Caretaker Committees and staff of Local Government councils to access their offices to carry out legitimate duties when States with caretaker administrations functioned without Police interference, is a dent on the credibility and integrity of the Nigerian Police. At the wake of the political upheaval in Rivers State, the Executive Governor of the State, Sir Siminalayi Fubara, received his dose of the rascality of some men of the Nigerian Police. Canisters of water were shot at the Governor as gleaned from viral videos and other media outfits.
How could the Nigerian Police have descended so low to derecognise the Executive Governor who is the Chief Security Officer of Rivers State? What came on them to compromise their duties to the people and Government of Rivers State? How on earth could they have deemed serving the interest of one man in Abuja is paramount and transcends that of the generality of Rivers people? The Nigerian Police by their inactions and untoward activities in Rivers State, tried to convey a false assumption that there are two Governors in Rivers State. This animosity on the state lends support for the quest for and against State Police. A State Police formation will be necessary, Purpose-driven and effective under a cool-headed, humane, objective and listening governor like Governor Fubara. However, a State Police in control of the opposition in Rivers will be the German Nazis – an instrument of torture, oppression, and autocratic governance.
The Nigerian Police should be and be seen to be professional, neutral, non- partisan, conscientious and sagacious in their conduct, if they must earn the respect of the people. The Nigerian Police and the Judiciary should resist the allures of being used as anti-democratic institutions to truncate Nigeria’s hard-earned democracy. No doubt every profession has its hazards. If the challenges of a profession do not allow a person to uphold integrity and ethical standards, it is better to quit the job. It is honourable to die for what you know is right than living for the shadow, and the mundane. When money and wealth are lost, nothing is lost but when integrity is lost everything is lost.
Igbiki Benibo
That President Ahmed Bola Tinubu plans to reshuffle his cabinet is no more any secrets. Before now many notable Nigerians, civil society groups, socio-cultural bodies and even Mr President’s party, the All Progressives Congress (APC), have called on the president to weed-out non-performing officials from his government in the face of worsening hardships engendered by poorly conceived and implemented federal government policies. Mr President had himself hinted at heeding the calls when he warned that top government officials whose periodic performance reports turn out poor would be dropped from his government. “If you are performing, nothing to fear. If you miss the objective, we’ll review it. If no performance, you leave us. No one is an island and the buck stops on my desk,” President Tinubu had warned cabinet members and other top government officials, during a three-day retreat last November. Since then, a Central Delivery Coordination Unit headed by Presidential Special Adviser on Policy Coordination, Hadiza Bala-Usman, has been established to receive ministerial reports and measure performances. But while the criteria for performance verification and rating remain unknown, no publication has been made by the unit since its inception.
Nearly a year after inauguration, Tinubu’s cabinet remains the same in the face of worsening state of affairs, except for the suspension early this year, of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation Minister, Dr Betta Edu, following a financial scandal that so embarrassed the administration. Many had long expected far-reaching measures from President Tinubu to reverse the worsening economic hardships in the country. However, after rising unrests culminated into major nation-wide protests in August, and another billed for October, grapevine sources inside the presidency revealed frantic considerations of the calls for cabinet change. But would Mr President play to the gallery by appearing to yield to popular demands, or has he finally reckoned that rising poverty is pushing the nation towards breaking points, hence the need to re-tool? As lofty as the ‘Renewed Hope Agenda’ sounded, to many ordinary Nigerians, the reality of the mantra is nothing but abysmal failures.
But having dragged for months, it appears the supposed tonic of cabinet reshuffle poses a hard nut to crack for Mr President, which had set herculean tasks for presidential aides to continuously deny the hushed effort, until presidential spokesperson, Mr Bayo Onanuga, finally acquiesced to the veracity of the rumours. Ever since, the whirling vortex of rumours shifted from it being a possibility, to how soon it comes, much as speculations now brew on who makes or has made the new list, and who gets or got dropped from the current. Intense lobbies said to have been mounted at the presidency may have caused Mr President so much distractions to force him scamper abroad with the unfinished list, on a pretext of going on vacations. The inability of Mr President to make swift changes that quickly respond to urgent challenges reflects the complexity of our system and how sourcing for trusted technocrats, contending with vested interests and the need for political balance, may hamstring a government’s ability to maneuver through troubled times.
It is note-worthy however, that lasting solutions to many of Nigeria’s problems lie much not in cabinet make-ups than in corruption and the lack of sincere, political will to getting problems solved, which situates Mr President at the centre of blames for much of our nation’s current woes. For instance, if Mr President is determined at tackling Nigeria’s major economic failures of recent past, the first consideration should be to critically review the declining performance of the ministry of petroleum resources, which serially became lacklustre since the portfolio got vested on Mr President’s office since from the time of President Mohammadu Buhari in 2007. With the sole heartbeat of Nigeria’s mono-economy entrapped at the very busy office of Mr President, who has no time to over-see the day-to-day affairs of the petroleum sector, yet is so immuned to accountability summons, no one should wonder why the petroleum industry, as well as the Nigerian economy, has degenerated ever since. Coupled with general insecurity, the decline in official petroleum production data since then led to dwindling foriegn exchange, ballooning official debts and the current general inflation.
As for the performance of the ministry of defence, whose past lapses led to the destabilisation of Nigeria’s agricultural sector by bandits, the current momentum at last, against terrorism and banditry, looks encouraging. But while it is worrisome that sources reveal that some saboteurs who fraternise with terrorists also seat in our nation’s high offices, the direct accusation by a sitting governor against no smaller personality than the current minister of state for defence, is an alarm that should not be neglected. Even as the accused denies and reverses the accusation, government should beware that the presence of such controversial figures is a burden to the image of government. Mr President also needs to take serious reviews at the performance short-comings of our nation’s ministry of interior which over-sees law enforcement and compliance establishments. Bedevilled by corruption, inadequate financing and institutional weaknesses, some of these institutions fall short of expectations and reportedly bow most times, to the whims of corruption. The current Bobrisky saga for instance, has put the Nigerian Correctional Services and the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission in gloom spotlight, and reflects how badly our institutions may have been compromised.
It is advisable however, that the move to scrap the Humanitarian Affairs Ministry may not be good for ordinary Nigerians who pass through the harshest consequences of the policies of this administration. Even if the ministry faces distrust from many due to years of non-transparent distribution of reliefs worth billions, and from which so many vulnerable Nigerians did not get a dime, Nigerians still desperately in need of bail-outs would prefer a disciplined and better managed public welfare ministry. The current situation in the country requires the collective concentration of all to ensure full recovery. The president should therefore beware of cabinet members who would let themselves be drawn to divisive political grand-standings that not only drain energies needed to restore the economy, but distract the focus of his government at tackling pressing challenges.
So, as Nigeria and Nigerians await President Tinubu reshuffle his cards for another chance at good governance, history beckons on him to set name and good marks, in gold.
Joseph Nwankwor
Over the years, the remarks of Konrad Adenuar, (January 6, 1876 – April 1967), a former Chancellor of Western Germany, that ”in view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He (God) did not also limit his stupidity”, has continued to agitate the minds of critics including public affairs analysts. This comment, which put succinctly, highlights God’s unfairness for supposedly setting definite limit on man’s wisdom (intelligence) but failed to set the same limit on man’s stupidity, has attracted wide spread condemnations from different sects; christians and non christians alike. Similarly, some critics, largely writers, hold the sentiment that society should not concentrate on juvenile delinquency alone but should also be concerned about what some identified as “adult delinquencies” since societal ills,grievious misdemeanors are traceable to adults, some of whom are leaders of thoughts occuping high offices.
Nigeria is replete with gutter Languages in public spaces deserving of concern and attention. One classic example is the recent outburst of Senator Adams Oshomhole, a former Governor of Edo State. It would be recalled that Senator Adams Oshomhole referred to the wife of the Governor of Edo State, Mrs Betsy Obaseki, as a barren woman.Truly, it could be said that Mrs Betsy Obaseki stoc the crisis when she referred to the governorship aspirant of All Progressive Congress (APC) Monday Okpebholo, as a man without a wife. Political campaigns should be undertaken or conducted to discuss issues and not insults to enable the electorate choose a credible leader who can provide solutions to societal challenges. No doubt, it is regrettable that a former labour leader, governor and now a serving Senator, Adams Aliya Oshomhole, considered as highly experienced to exhibit civility, maturity and superior acumen in a challenging situation such as this, particularly when viewed against the backdrop that the comrade- senator was not speaking at a political rally ground.
Recently, the West, particularly Europe, is returning artefacts stolen from ancient Benin Kingdom more than a century and thirty years ago which politicians can discuss with respect to diversifying the economy as well as provide solutions to numerous difficulties facing Edo State and Nigeria at large.Worse still, can any parent boast of having or rearing children by his or her self as to scorn an expectant family?. In the same way, the German statesman Konrad Adenuar cited above once noted: “History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided”. For instance, the former governor of Kaduna State, Nasiru El-Rufai, once told foreign powers planning to interfere into the 2019 general election to jettison the plan otherwise they would leave in body bags.’Body Bag!’.
The expression “leave in body bags”, is not befitting of a serving governor in all ramifications. As if that was not enough, the current Senate President and former Governor of Akwa Ibom State Senator Godswill Akpabio, referred to the contribution of a fellow law maker Natasha Akpoti Uduaghau as a “Night Club Comment”.This was another sad commentary and bad public communication made by a public office holder of equal ranking with a fellow colleague, because all senators are equal and therefore, the remarks by Senator Akpabio was regrettable even though he had apologized for his unfortunate outburst. Denigration of any sort should not be an option in pilloring the women folk in public places.
In fact, elder statesman, Pa. Edwin Clark, recently called on the Inspector of Police and President Tinubu to arrest the minister of Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Chief Nyesom Wike, for saying he (Wike ) will put fire in the states of PDP governors and officials who want to interfer with his political structures in Rivers State.To put fire is ambiquous and has frightening implications. The Bible is apt and ever correct when in proverbs 15:1 noted that “Soft answer turns away wrath but grievous words stir up anger”. The remarks cited above traceable to public officials and leaders in public spaces show pride, selfishness, arrogance and are capable of igniting crisis, if not nibbed in the bud. In addition to the provision of infrastructure, elected leaders must learn the acts of engaging in public communication, speaking life and not hate speach to build society for the better.Jesus Christ speaks in John 6:63 thus: “The words I speak they are Life and Spirit”.
It is instructive to observe that before David killed Goliath in it is recorded in 1st Samuel Chapter 17:24 – 45, that Goliath was very insultive, boastful, denigrating the army of Israel at the battle field before a non-soldier in the person of David over powered him- Goliath. Pride, they say, goes before the fall of man. This is why leaders in positions of trust should retrace their steps and be mindful of the words they speak and transmit in communicating with the electorate,fellow polititicians or their party members to engender peace in the polity and promote peaceful co-existence in Rivers State and Nigeria at large. The time to act is now.
Baridorn Sika
Sika, is a public affairs analyst.