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Understanding What Marriage Is

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Marriage is a timeless institution that has been the foundation of human society for centuries. Yet, in today’s evolving world, its essence and significance are often misunderstood. As we navigate the complexities of love, commitment, and relationships, it is essential to revisit the true meaning of marriage and its enduring importance in our lives. At its core, marriage is a sacred union between two individuals, transcending mere romance or legal contract. It is a lifelong commitment to build a life together, fostering growth, trust and unconditional love. Marriage is a journey of mutual support, understanding, and compromise, where two souls become one.
Beyond the vows and ceremonies, marriage represents: Unwavering commitment: A promise to stand by each other through life’s triumphs and tribulations. Emotional intimacy: A deep understanding and acceptance of each other’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.Trust and loyalty: Unshakeable faith in each other’s words and actions. Shared values and goals: A united vision for a life built on common principles and aspirations. Family and legacy: The foundation of a family unit, creating a lasting impact on future generations. Personal growth: A catalyst for individual development, encouraging self-improvement and selflessness. Social and cultural significance: A celebration of love and unity, strengthening social bonds and community ties.
If I may ask, Do you understand a newly wedded man is called groom and the woman called bride? A friend of mine got tired of his wife just about six months after wedding. He complained bitterly to me about her and told me that he has concluded to break up with her; he went on to say that he was sure that he made a mistake. I did not respond immediately because I knew I must tell him the right thing, so I went home. And that is what birthed this message. Many men have broken up with their wives because they ended up not being the wife that they have dreamt of. They have forgotten that their wedding day was when the man was commissioned for the new task.
Nobody calls the woman wife on her wedding day but bride, because it is the man that will groom his bride to become the wife. That is why the man is called ‘bridegroom or groom’ and the word grooming has to do with patiently nurturing, teaching, tending and helping someone to become what he or she should be. It is therefore believed that a man that takes a woman to the altar of marriage is mature enough to patiently groom his bride to become the wife. The man is not supposed to just expect the bride to automatically become the wife, she must be groomed. It is clear that many of us men had unnecessary expectations when we were getting married.
Yes, we want some magic to happen to our wives, we want them to become what we have had in mind about who we want our wives to be; not considering the fact that the woman does not know what is in your mind except you teach her. Our expectations are often too unrealistic, because we do not remember that change takes time and we can only expect something from someone that knows what we want. So, before you think of breaking up, have you groomed her? Have you given her time to understand you? Hope you realise that a turtle will never become a hawk? God often brings people that are opposites of each other together in marriage so they can help each other in their place of weaknesses. If your wife is weak where you are weak, then where will you get the strength that is needed?
The problem with many of us is that we do not accept people before attempting to change them. Of course, our wives are not from our backgrounds, so it will take time for them to adjust. Stop trying to change her: accept her, love her, teach her and be patient with her; that is what grooming is all about. She is going to be your wife but she is your bride now, so groom her. Stop complaining about her, she may be a turtle and you a hawk, she cannot fly so be patient with her. I do not believe that your marriage can not work, be patient and allow God to help you. The term “groom” for a husband-to-be or a newlywed husband has its roots in history and tradition.
In the past, a “groom” referred to a servant or attendant responsible for taking care of horses. Over time, the term evolved to describe a man who was “grooming” himself for marriage, preparing to take on the responsibilities of a husband. In the 15th century, the term “groom” became synonymous with “bridegroom,” emphasising the man’s role in preparing for and supporting his bride. The word “groom” also connoted a sense of refinement, elegance, and polish, much like a well-groomed horse.Today, the term “groom” is a romantic and endearing way to refer to a husband or fiancé, symbolising his commitment to care for, support, and cherish his partner, much like a groom would tend to his horses.
So, in essence, a husband is called a groom because he is seen as the one who prepares himself to care for and support his bride, much like a groom would prepare and care for his horses. In a world where relationships are increasingly complex, remembering the true essence of marriage is crucial. By embracing its timeless values and principles, we can nurture stronger, more meaningful relationships, building a foundation for a lifetime of love, happiness, and fulfilment. Let us cherish and honour the sacred institution of marriage, recognising its profound impact on our lives and society. Marriage is not just a union between two individuals but a celebration of love, commitment, and the human spirit.

Sylvia ThankGod-Amadi

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Hurray! Another Feather For Fubara

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Before the Saturday, October 5, Local Government Council Election to midwife the rebirth of elected Local Government administrations in Rivers State, it was hard on me to believe that general elections can hold in Nigeria without the Nigerian Police and other statutory security organisations’ participation to provide security. So when the Abuja High Court restrained the Nigerian Police from giving security for a seamless, hitch-free election processes, I was startled on the security of election materials, adhoc staff of the Rivers State Independent Electoral Commission (RSIEC) and the voters, even though legal luminaries posit that it is not within the ambit of Federal courts to legislate on Local Government matters. Many people thought that the Inspector-General of Police’s decision to promptly obey judicial orders would either truncate the process or trigger voter apathy.
However, the outcome: violence-free, massive participation of voters even the participation of those who confessed that they had not exercised their franchise in the last 24 years of Nigeria democratic dispensation, does not only prove me wrong but also speak volumes of a people yearning for self determination at the grassroots. It also shows that the time of a marked departure from the ugly, repressive and dictatorial past has inevitably come to an end. It underscores the emergence of  a new political order and structure that are the prerogative of the people and a function of legitimacy from the people, not a structure that is a product of a coercive, repressive , and other measures that negate democratic values and norms. For once, Rivers people have sent a message that they remain a distinct political entity with the right to decide who leads them.
The people of Rivers State, from the Ikwerres, the Kalabaris, Etches, Ndonis, Wakirikes, Andonis, the Ekpeyes, Ogonis, Abuans and several other micro ethnic and language people as a resilient and brave people have gained consciousness to dislodge the human instrument that perpetrates oppression even as Karl Marx said, “It is only when people are conscious of the fact that they are oppressed can they rise to dislodge the instrument that makes the oppression possible”. The October 5, Local Government Election, shows that despite its ethnic  and language diversity Rivers State is homogeneous, united in  corporate interest and goal. Rivers people have  proven that general election without the presence of Nigerian Police is possible. Some voters have also alleged that considering the peaceful election achieved without the presence of Nigerian Police, the crisis-ridden elections in Nigeria may have been the architecture of the Police. Some believe that their presence poses a discomfort to voters and an uneasy calm in voting environment.
Now that it is possible to conduct elections without them the Federal and Sub- national electoral bodies can reduce cost of conducting elections. The huge budget allocated to security for election purposes presupposes waste, so can be channeled to other critical sectors. This laudable achievement-a peaceful election without Nigerian Police would have been elusive without the peaceful, mentally and emotionally matured, God-fearing disposition and Rivers First mantra of the Executive Governor, Siminalayi Fubara. The Governor’s passion for peace and development even amid provocative and inciting statements by detractors and enemies of Rivers State, has endeared him to the people and whittled down the influence and relevance of the opposition in Rivers State. It is not gainsaying the fact that in recent times, the Nigerian Police has flagrantly violated professional, ethical and moral standards.
The high command seems to have sacrificed their statutory obligations to the people on a whim for personal relationships and filthy lucre. They seem to have allowed pecuniary gains to dull and cloud their sense of reasoning and their primary statutory responsibilities of crime detection and prevention, protection of lives and property. The occupation of Local Government Council Secretariats in the 23 Local Government Areas of Rivers State by the Nigeria Police, preventing Caretaker Committees and staff of Local Government councils to access their offices to carry out legitimate duties when States with caretaker administrations functioned without Police interference, is a dent on the credibility and integrity of the Nigerian Police. At the wake of the political upheaval in Rivers State, the Executive Governor of the State, Sir Siminalayi Fubara, received his dose of the rascality of some men of the Nigerian Police. Canisters of water were shot at the Governor as gleaned from viral videos and other media outfits.
How could the Nigerian Police have descended so low to derecognise the Executive Governor who is the Chief Security Officer of Rivers State? What came on them to compromise their duties to the people and Government of Rivers State? How on earth could they have deemed serving the interest of one man in Abuja is paramount and transcends that of the generality of Rivers people? The Nigerian Police by their inactions and untoward activities in Rivers State, tried to convey a false assumption that there are two Governors in Rivers State. This animosity on the state lends support for the quest for and against State Police. A State Police formation will be necessary, Purpose-driven and effective under a cool-headed, humane, objective and listening governor like Governor Fubara. However, a State Police in control of the opposition in Rivers will be the German Nazis – an instrument of torture, oppression, and autocratic governance.
The Nigerian Police should be and be seen to be professional, neutral, non- partisan, conscientious and sagacious in their conduct, if they must earn the respect of the people. The Nigerian Police and the Judiciary should resist the allures of being used as anti-democratic institutions to truncate Nigeria’s hard-earned democracy. No doubt every profession has its hazards. If the challenges of a profession do not allow a person to uphold integrity and ethical standards, it is better to quit the job. It is honourable to die for what you know is right than living for the shadow, and the mundane. When money and wealth are lost, nothing is lost but when integrity is lost everything is lost.

Igbiki Benibo

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As Nigerians Await Tinubu’s Cabinet Reshuffle…

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That President Ahmed Bola Tinubu plans to reshuffle his cabinet is no more any secrets. Before now many notable Nigerians, civil society groups, socio-cultural bodies and even Mr President’s party, the All Progressives Congress (APC), have called on the president to weed-out non-performing officials from his government in the face of worsening hardships engendered by poorly conceived and implemented federal government policies. Mr President had himself hinted at heeding the calls when he warned that top government officials whose periodic performance reports turn out poor would be dropped from his government. “If you are performing, nothing to fear. If you miss the objective, we’ll review it. If no performance, you leave us. No one is an island and the buck stops on my desk,” President Tinubu had warned cabinet members and other top government officials, during a three-day retreat last November. Since then, a Central Delivery Coordination Unit headed by Presidential Special Adviser on Policy Coordination, Hadiza Bala-Usman, has been established to receive ministerial reports and measure performances. But while the criteria for performance verification and rating remain unknown, no publication has been made by the unit since its inception.
Nearly a year after inauguration, Tinubu’s cabinet remains the same in the face of worsening state of affairs, except for the suspension early this year, of Humanitarian Affairs and Poverty Alleviation Minister, Dr Betta Edu, following a financial scandal that so embarrassed the administration. Many had long expected far-reaching measures from President Tinubu to reverse the worsening economic hardships in the country. However, after rising unrests culminated into major nation-wide protests in August, and another billed for October, grapevine sources inside the presidency revealed frantic considerations of the calls for cabinet change. But would Mr President play to the gallery by appearing to yield to popular demands, or has he finally reckoned that rising poverty is pushing the nation towards breaking points, hence the need to re-tool? As lofty as the ‘Renewed Hope Agenda’ sounded, to many ordinary Nigerians, the reality of the mantra is nothing but abysmal failures.
But having dragged for months, it appears the supposed tonic of cabinet reshuffle poses a hard nut to crack for Mr President, which had set herculean tasks for presidential aides to continuously deny the hushed effort, until presidential spokesperson, Mr Bayo Onanuga, finally acquiesced to the veracity of the rumours. Ever since, the whirling vortex of rumours shifted from it being a possibility, to how soon it comes, much as speculations now brew on who makes or has made the new list, and who gets or got dropped from the current. Intense lobbies said to have been mounted at the presidency may have caused Mr President so much distractions to force him scamper abroad with the unfinished list, on a pretext of going on vacations. The inability of Mr President to make swift changes that quickly respond to urgent challenges reflects the complexity of our system and how sourcing for trusted technocrats, contending with vested interests and the need for political balance, may hamstring a government’s ability to maneuver through troubled times.
It is note-worthy however, that lasting solutions to many of Nigeria’s problems lie much not in cabinet make-ups than in corruption and the lack of sincere, political will to getting problems solved, which situates Mr President at the centre of blames for much of our nation’s current woes. For instance, if Mr President is determined at tackling Nigeria’s major economic failures of recent past, the first consideration should be to critically review the declining performance of the ministry of petroleum resources, which serially became lacklustre since the portfolio got vested on Mr President’s office since from the time of President Mohammadu Buhari in 2007. With the sole heartbeat of Nigeria’s mono-economy entrapped at the very busy office of Mr President, who has no time to over-see the day-to-day affairs of the petroleum sector, yet is so immuned to accountability summons, no one should wonder why the petroleum industry, as well as the Nigerian economy, has degenerated ever since. Coupled with general insecurity, the decline in official petroleum production data since then led to dwindling foriegn exchange, ballooning official debts and the current general inflation.
As for the performance of the ministry of defence, whose past lapses led to the destabilisation of Nigeria’s agricultural sector by bandits, the current momentum at last, against terrorism and banditry, looks encouraging. But while it is worrisome that sources reveal that some saboteurs who fraternise with terrorists also seat in our nation’s high offices, the direct accusation by a sitting governor against no smaller personality than the current minister of state for defence, is an alarm that should not be neglected. Even as the accused denies and reverses the accusation, government should beware that the presence of such controversial figures is a burden to the image of government. Mr President also needs to take serious reviews at the performance short-comings of our nation’s ministry of interior which over-sees law enforcement and compliance establishments. Bedevilled by corruption, inadequate financing and institutional weaknesses, some of these institutions fall short of expectations and reportedly bow most times, to the whims of corruption. The current Bobrisky saga for instance, has put the Nigerian Correctional Services and the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission in gloom spotlight, and reflects how badly our institutions may have been compromised.
It is advisable however, that the move to scrap the Humanitarian Affairs Ministry may not be good for ordinary Nigerians who pass through the harshest consequences of the policies of this administration. Even if the ministry faces distrust from many due to years of non-transparent distribution of reliefs worth billions, and from which so many vulnerable Nigerians did not get a dime, Nigerians still desperately in need of bail-outs would prefer a disciplined and better managed public welfare ministry. The current situation in the country requires the collective concentration of all to ensure full recovery. The president should therefore beware of cabinet members who would let themselves be drawn to divisive political grand-standings that not only drain energies needed to restore the economy, but distract the focus of his government at tackling pressing challenges.
So, as Nigeria and Nigerians await President Tinubu reshuffle his cards for another chance at good governance, history beckons on him to set name and good marks, in gold.

Joseph Nwankwor

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Opinion

Adult Delinquency In Public Space

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Over the years,  the remarks of Konrad Adenuar, (January 6, 1876 – April 1967),  a former Chancellor of Western Germany, that   ”in view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He (God) did not also limit his stupidity”,  has continued to agitate the minds of critics including public affairs analysts. This comment, which put succinctly, highlights God’s unfairness for  supposedly setting definite limit on man’s wisdom (intelligence) but  failed  to set the same limit on man’s stupidity, has  attracted wide spread condemnations from different sects; christians and non christians alike. Similarly, some critics, largely writers, hold the sentiment that society should not concentrate on juvenile delinquency alone but should also be concerned about what some identified as “adult delinquencies” since societal ills,grievious misdemeanors are traceable to adults, some of whom are leaders of thoughts occuping high offices.
Nigeria is replete with gutter Languages in public spaces deserving of concern and attention. One classic example is the recent outburst of Senator Adams Oshomhole, a former Governor of Edo State. It would be recalled that Senator Adams Oshomhole referred to the wife of the Governor of Edo State, Mrs Betsy  Obaseki, as a barren woman.Truly, it could be said that Mrs Betsy Obaseki  stoc the crisis when she referred to the governorship aspirant of All Progressive Congress (APC) Monday Okpebholo, as  a man without a wife. Political campaigns should be undertaken or conducted to discuss  issues and not insults to  enable the electorate choose a credible leader who can provide solutions to societal challenges. No doubt, it is regrettable that a former labour leader, governor and now a serving Senator, Adams Aliya Oshomhole, considered as  highly experienced to exhibit civility, maturity and superior acumen in a challenging situation such as this, particularly when viewed against the backdrop that the comrade- senator was not  speaking at a political rally ground.
Recently, the West, particularly Europe, is returning artefacts stolen from ancient Benin Kingdom more than a century and thirty years ago which politicians can discuss with respect to diversifying the economy as well as provide solutions to numerous difficulties facing Edo State and Nigeria at large.Worse still, can any parent boast of having or rearing children by his or her self as  to scorn an expectant family?. In the same way, the German statesman Konrad Adenuar cited above once  noted: “History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided”. For instance, the former governor of Kaduna State, Nasiru El-Rufai, once told foreign powers planning to interfere into the 2019 general election to  jettison the plan otherwise they would  leave in body bags.’Body Bag!’.
The expression “leave in body bags”,  is not befitting of a serving governor in all ramifications. As if that was not enough, the current Senate President and former Governor of Akwa Ibom State Senator Godswill Akpabio, referred to the contribution of a fellow law maker Natasha Akpoti Uduaghau as a “Night Club Comment”.This was another sad commentary and bad public communication made by a public office holder of equal ranking with a fellow colleague, because all senators are equal and therefore, the remarks by Senator Akpabio was regrettable even though he had apologized for his unfortunate outburst. Denigration of any sort should not be an option in pilloring the women folk in public places.
In fact, elder statesman, Pa. Edwin Clark, recently  called on the Inspector of Police and President Tinubu to arrest the minister of Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Chief Nyesom Wike, for saying he (Wike ) will put fire in the states of PDP governors and officials who want to interfer with his political structures in Rivers State.To put fire is ambiquous and has frightening implications. The Bible is apt and ever correct when in proverbs 15:1 noted that “Soft answer turns away wrath but grievous words stir up anger”. The remarks cited above traceable to public officials and leaders  in public spaces  show pride, selfishness, arrogance and are capable of igniting crisis, if not nibbed  in the bud. In addition to the provision of infrastructure, elected leaders must learn the acts of engaging in public communication, speaking life and not hate speach to build society for the better.Jesus Christ speaks in John 6:63 thus: “The words I speak they are Life and Spirit”.
It is instructive to observe that before David killed Goliath in it is recorded in 1st Samuel Chapter 17:24 – 45, that Goliath was very insultive, boastful, denigrating the army of Israel at the battle field before a non-soldier in the person of David over powered him- Goliath. Pride, they say, goes before the fall of man. This is why leaders in positions of trust should retrace their steps and be mindful of the words they speak and transmit in communicating with the electorate,fellow polititicians or their party members to engender peace in the polity and promote peaceful co-existence in Rivers State and Nigeria at large. The time to act is now.

Baridorn Sika
Sika, is a public affairs analyst.

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